[Help] Spiritual awakening or psychosis?

[Glaux]

Hi all, I posted some months ago after what I think was a Hermetic initiation without my knowledge. Since then I believe I’ve developed along this path. I’ve tested spells empirically with others and they report that the things I did have worked as intended for them and they appear to have worked for me. Recently, I began (slowly) reading the Corpus Hermeticum. Not long after, my mental state began to change. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, it seems to be a sort of detachment from the material world. I feel more at one with the all and I’m quite care free. However, my executive functioning is in the gutter.

I’m terrified that this has all been psychosis, that I’m actually mad. I’ve glimpsed Hermetic truth, just a sliver. I know it’s all true somehow, at least that’s what I feel in my deepest gut of guts. I employ Ancient Greek in my spells along with scrollwork and so far I’ve invoked my main patron, Apollo, Asclepius as well as Tyche and Persephone. I’ve recently made a black book which I’ve started journaling my thoughts on all of this.

Once again, the point of this post is to try and parse out psychosis from “reality”, if that’s even possible. If anyone has struggled with this, don’t hesitate to leave a post. Thanks guys.

 

[Morell]

I’ve read that when a person suffers enough, their shell cracks and falls off.

It might be part of the process, but the suffering alone is not working in this way. Otherwise the prisons, hospitals, and concentration camps would be flooding with gods.

 

[Ohana]

I guess one way to spot the difference is to look up symptoms of psychosis. Some of the big hints being if you have delusions of grandeur so believing play bigger part in the world. I guess how stressed out these thoughts make you is another hallmark sign of it.

When thoughts becoming disturbing to you that it impairs function. Another thing about mental illness like conditions like psychosis is mental illness is primarily defined by how well-adjusted you are in day to day living. If these thoughts impede how well you are able to live your day to day life like hold down a job, preform basic hygiene, do household chores then looking into seeking professional help from a therapist or psychologist might be beneficial.

But if you can function in your day to day life pretty well then its probably fine unless the disturbing thoughts, delusions, and maybe hallucinations become worse. Especially if it starts to affect day to day living and function. If not then your probably fine and might just be getting excited from learning something new. The brain takes a while to learn things and can get overwhelmed by a lot of information pretty quickly.

 

[Allofyoush]

As someone who went through what you're describing and ALSO a state of psychosis, I promise you'd be able to tell the difference.

 

[Keldan]

You used drugs the last time you had an experience, and that you have also used drugs in the past. If you have reduced your use, then you are going through a withdrawal period.

Withdrawal can affect your mind and everyday functioning. Because of that, I would suggest getting clean and stable first. If these things only happen when you are under the influence, or during the period after using, then I wouldn’t immediately attribute them to the spiritual.

 

[Glaux]

It might be part of the process, but the suffering alone is not working in this way. Otherwise the prisons, hospitals, and concentration camps would be flooding

It might be part of the process, but the suffering alone is not working in this way. Otherwise the prisons, hospitals, and concentration camps would be flooding with gods.

I think it’s more spiritual, internal suffering. Like the kind of thing that dogs you your entire life since childhood. Also, I’m pretty stable now and I can say with near certainty now it wasn’t psychosis. I may have gone a little mad during the process, but some things need to be broken to be rebuilt.

 

[Accipeveldare]

Honestly, I think if you are afraid you are in a psychosis, you are probably not. If you were in one, i doubt you would even suspect it. However, I think it is good you are afraid of it. It is a healthy fear, but probably one you should keep in the back of your mind for your own sanity.

 

[Glaux]

You used drugs the last time you had an experience, and that you have also used drugs in the past. If you have reduced your use, then you are going through a withdrawal period.

Withdrawal can affect your mind and everyday functioning. Because of that, I would suggest getting clean and stable first. If these things only happen when you are under the influence, or during the period after using, then I wouldn’t immediately attribute them to the spiritual.

I’m pretty knowledgeable when it comes to drugs, there’s no withdrawal from DMT as if it’s an opioid. I sure have used a lot in the past, in fact it was the only knowledge that helped me catch on to what was happening given how unique the experience was. It may even be a possibility I wasn’t even drugged at all, it was all speculation. Rest assured, I have no intentions of sharing any knowledge that shouldn’t be openly shared.

 

[xenopus]

Hi all, I posted some months ago after what I think was a Hermetic initiation without my knowledge. Since then I believe I’ve developed along this path. I’ve tested spells empirically with others and they report that the things I did have worked as intended for them and they appear to have worked for me. Recently, I began (slowly) reading the Corpus Hermeticum. Not long after, my mental state began to change. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, it seems to be a sort of detachment from the material world. I feel more at one with the all and I’m quite care free. However, my executive functioning is in the gutter.

I’m terrified that this has all been psychosis, that I’m actually mad. I’ve glimpsed Hermetic truth, just a sliver. I know it’s all true somehow, at least that’s what I feel in my deepest gut of guts. I employ Ancient Greek in my spells along with scrollwork and so far I’ve invoked my main patron, Apollo, Asclepius as well as Tyche and Persephone. I’ve recently made a black book which I’ve started journaling my thoughts on all of this.

Once again, the point of this post is to try and parse out psychosis from “reality”, if that’s even possible. If anyone has struggled with this, don’t hesitate to leave a post. Thanks guys.

I doubt you are, based on the very minimal information you have given us.

 

[solxyz]

It may even be a possibility I wasn’t even drugged at all, it was all speculation. Rest assured, I have no intentions of sharing any knowledge that shouldn’t be openly shared.

Hey Glaux. Any update on how you're doing with all of this?

 

[Glaux]

Hey Glaux. Any update on how you're doing with all of this?

I’m doing much better now. I’ve stopped questioning what happened and instead I’m just kind of coming to terms with things. Honestly, I’m pretty sure this is all very good stuff. It was just a shock to the system. As for being drugged, it could go either way. I’ll never know for sure.

 

[Keldan]

You used drugs the last time you had an experience, and that you have also used drugs in the past. If you have reduced your use, then you are going through a withdrawal period.

Withdrawal can affect your mind and everyday functioning. Because of that, I would suggest getting clean and stable first. If these things only happen when you are under the influence, or during the period after using, then I wouldn’t immediately attribute them to the spiritual.

I sure have used a lot in the past

You left out a big piece of information in your first post.

 

[Glaux]

You left out a big piece of information in your first post.

Sorry, I’ll clarify. I’m about 6 years clean off of drugs so it’s been awhile. Nothing that would come out of nowhere and hit me with psychosis. Regardless, I’ve done enough research and inquiry now to conclude it’s not psychosis.

 

[Mars]

Hi all, I posted some months ago after what I think was a Hermetic initiation without my knowledge. Since then I believe I’ve developed along this path. I’ve tested spells empirically with others and they report that the things I did have worked as intended for them and they appear to have worked for me. Recently, I began (slowly) reading the Corpus Hermeticum. Not long after, my mental state began to change. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, it seems to be a sort of detachment from the material world. I feel more at one with the all and I’m quite care free. However, my executive functioning is in the gutter.

I’m terrified that this has all been psychosis, that I’m actually mad. I’ve glimpsed Hermetic truth, just a sliver. I know it’s all true somehow, at least that’s what I feel in my deepest gut of guts. I employ Ancient Greek in my spells along with scrollwork and so far I’ve invoked my main patron, Apollo, Asclepius as well as Tyche and Persephone. I’ve recently made a black book which I’ve started journaling my thoughts on all of this.

Once again, the point of this post is to try and parse out psychosis from “reality”, if that’s even possible. If anyone has struggled with this, don’t hesitate to leave a post. Thanks guys.

You can't have an "Initiation" without your knowledge. So you don't know what this actually is to begin with.

And you are not detached from the material world because half of your post is invoking other people or beings, emphasis on ancient Greek and the likes.

You are somewhat in confused visions and fantasies right now. People usually stay in this and become more materialistic, egoistic and turn into your new age TikTok witch. You are headed for the same path is what I can tell you. But please proof me wrong. And no, you don't proof me wrong by telling me under who you studied or what coven you belong to or similar.

 

[Glaux]

You can't have an "Initiation" without your knowledge. So you don't know what this actually is to begin with.

And you are not detached from the material world because half of your post is invoking other people or beings, emphasis on ancient Greek and the likes.

You are somewhat in confused visions and fantasies right now. People usually stay in this and become more materialistic, egoistic and turn into your new age TikTok witch. You are headed for the same path is what I can tell you. But please proof me wrong. And no, you don't proof me wrong by telling me under who you studied or what coven you belong to or similar.

Yeesh, not sure where the hostility is coming from. I haven’t studied under anyone and my ego has never been smaller. Haven’t been on social media in months either. So I don’t see me going down some crackpot path in order to profit off this stuff. A lot of assumptions being made here. Also, the fact that you’re on a magic forum and immediately dismiss my experience as “fantasy” is a bit strange.

 

[Keldan]

It may even be a possibility I wasn’t even drugged at all, it was all speculation.

Sorry, I’ll clarify. I’m about 6 years clean off of drugs so it’s been awhile. Nothing that would come out of nowhere and hit me with psychosis. Regardless, I’ve done enough research and inquiry now to conclude it’s not psychosis.

You’ve said you’ve been clean for years, yet you’re not even sure whether you were using during your last experience. Since it happened in a group setting, there should be people you can ask whether you were high or not.

 

[Glaux]

You’ve said you’ve been clean for years, yet you’re not even sure whether you were using during your last experience. Since it happened in a group setting, there should be people you can ask whether you were high or not.

I’m trying to be delicate here and not just name drop any organizations. There’s no one associated with this particular group that I can ask, I chose not to join. Whatever happened is a secret that I’m not privy to. I am a classicist though and I know a thing or two about Ancient Greek mystery cults and they sure as shit did initiations using DMT(white acacia bark). There’s a few Mystery orders still kicking around out there. Also, I’ve literally seen DMT extracted from tree bark years ago. I’ve done my homework on this. But any inquiries I make will be met with silence or really poorly done gaslighting, kind of like some of the responses in this thread.

 

[Keldan]

Nobody asked you to join any organization, the point was simply that you were in a group setting, so you can ask the people who were there whether you were high or not. The fact remains, and that you were high. And you yourself were unsure whether you were or weren't, while simultaneously claiming to have been clean for years. That’s a contradiction.

I also brought up your drug use because you completely omitted it from all your posts. Leaving that out prevented others from understanding the honest context of why your functioning is impaired, and how much of that is directly related to substance use.

At this point, it’s obvious to everyone what’s really going on, and whether this is a spiritual experience or a psychosis.

 

[Glaux]

Nobody asked you to join any organization, the point was simply that you were in a group setting, so you can ask the people who were there whether you were high or not. The fact remains, and that you were high. And you yourself were unsure whether you were or weren't, while simultaneously claiming to have been clean for years. That’s a contradiction.

I also brought up your drug use because you completely omitted it from all your posts. Leaving that out prevented others from understanding the honest context of why your functioning is impaired, and how much of that is directly related to substance use.

At this point, it’s obvious to everyone what’s really going on, and whether this is a spiritual experience or a psychosis.

I mean, that’s an opinion. Doesn’t make it true. Wasn’t looking to convince anyone, just to figure it out for myself. Didn’t expect all the butt hurt for no reason though, that honestly helped confirm things for me too. Thanks to those of you who just wanted help, you’re all very much appreciated. This thread has been far more enlightening than I ever thought it would be. Cheers.

 

[Isabela Wilson]

A spiritual awakening and psychosis can sometimes seem similar on the surface, but they are not the same. The key difference is how much they affect a person's ability to distinguish reality, function in daily life, and stay safe.