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Hmm... I don't know how to phrase this in a way that will be understood correctly, but let's try. At one point, I realized that my late grandmother, with whom I had developed a post-mortal connection, actually is, but also isn't exactly that person. She is still kind of that person, but now she also has some kind of additional 'content' that is at times very controversial and somewhat creepy. Does my relationship with her make me a necromancer? And does this mean that after my death I will also become such a spirit? Up until the moment I realized this, I could still somehow accept the idea of linear reincarnation, but after becoming aware of the strange nature of my late grandmother, that idea now seems completely meaningless to me.
Clarification asked. What do you mean by linear reincarnation? Reincarnating in the past from the future? IF the realm of spirits is what some think, then for them there is no past, present, or future. But IDK. Reincarnation does not need to follow human timelines. One past life, I was a Parisian in 16th, maybe 17th century France. Was that the last time I was in this mortal coil? what about all the centuries since then, where was I?
Also, what do you mean by post-mortal connection, did she die before you were born?
Turns out that Levi performed the necromantic invocation of Apollonius 3 times and got information from the shade that appeared. This is different from the otherwise excellent writeup in "The Black Arts" by Cavendish.
Yes, exactly that, from the past to the future. I also have some memories related to certain lives, to some lived experiences, but it is hard for me to place them within any known historical-civilizational context. Still, the big question is who is this I in all of this? Who is the one who experienced it?
No, she did not die before I was born, but much later. She lived a very long time, and after she passed away, I began to dream of her, and she usually appeared in the company of my other deceased relatives. Then she showed me a ritual through which I could contact her whenever I needed something. At the time, I accepted it as something completely normal, but it turned out that my late grandmother had her own helpers, had certain powers, and was connected to a certain local (and partially controversial) female saint from the Orthodox branch of Christianity. This saint is often associated with witches.
Oh so its not just me? I thought I just never grew out of my imaginary friend stage. But the imaginary friend was for some reason my dead grandfather. I was told by messaging that I just had a lot of trauma. So I went to therapy talked with the therapists for ages and read books about processing emotions and dealing with trauma.
Then I still felt the presence and I thought I failed something. So I went through the books again. I went through all the therapy lessons. I did it time after time. Minute after minute but it still did nothing. So I thought I had a mental illness that just doesn't affect my day to day work because I was still pretty productive and hard working.
So I ignored it and to some maybe it is. I don't want to change anyone beliefs I just want to share my expierences.
I don't like him for good reason. And I don't want to ask family members about him so I'll just never know. I just have stories. I read partly through Abaddon work and he said creation is the greatest blasphemy. I think he meant making stories or world building.
But I don't know if it even is blasphemy since I don't know if there even is an All knower out there or if the author or if Abaddon was being misleading or its just not seen as that. This is just my two cents. Its a kind of controversial read on it.
My belief system right now is Agnostic. Thats my choice.
Without the theory though its not magical. I think knowing the theory is very important and stories don't typically tell the whole picture. I agree getting knowledge only from stories is not great. Learning from people that actually studied it and practiced the occult through their own accounts get a lot more of the truth.
Like through the books they made.
I get now why if that spirit or my mind did that. I grew up isolated. I needed something to look after me. All the people that were alive were too messed up from hardship to watch over me and too busy sometimes.
Now that I'm older though I'm given more free reign and should be watched over less. Or maybe not at all. Maybe I should have the relationship the person up there described of just being able to contact them whenever.
Maybe I already do now. All I know is that I haven't heard, met, or know a lot about this because I haven't taken as much time to study it.
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Maybe it always was and I just called a lot because of my circumstances. I don't know. Life is just hard. I don't know
