Thank you. That is a huge relief.
This is the other part that stood out to me. It's like a bright blinking neon sign. Emphasis mine.
"... I spent every day morning to night going deep inside of myself and looking for the truth/lies about reality as a whole ... Everytime I found out a new verifiable, observational truth about reality, I used that to change my entire being while at the same time "letting go" of that truth in a way. That is to say for every perception, wavelength, vibration, frequency, feeling and thoughtform I had I split them into various different states of perception. For example: science is true, science is not true, science is both true and not true at the same time, science is nothing and science is everything."
Yes sir. That's what I noticed and acknowledged in your very first post at the top of the thread. It's genius. It's a spark of divinity. And a spark of the divine is, itself, infinite. Small and not, simultaneously.
Here's another thing that stood out to me. Even more important. Perhaps the MOST important part of your journey.
" ... I never gave up trying to help humanity. "
This. This cannot be taught. This is the most important quality of any on your path. Absolute altruism: You never quit. That's me too. The Ramak ( Rabbi Moshe Ben Yaakov Cordovero ) in his book Ohr N'ehrav (
) asserts that there are no restrictions on the solo journeying mystic. They do not need a teacher. In fact, there are so many horrible teachers, that it is better for the aspirant to proceed, cold alone and hungry on 2 conditions:
1) Their heart is true
2) They never quit
Even if the student falls, gets flipped upside down, turned around, twisted inside-out. If their heart is pure and truly altruistic, and if they never quit, eventually they will right themselves and all of it will be worth it. The rest of the world cannot and will not understand your journey. Their heart is not like ours. They are possessed with self -centered desires, seeking creature comforts, to feel like a god, and to be treated as one. We are not like them. But, it's still for the best.
Even if we're few. Even if we're
distant. Even if we're
alone. We are mighty. It only takes one sun to light the whole earth and bring life up out of the mud. The stars in the sky are surrounded by nearly infinite darkness, and yet ... that darkness is what brings the constellations to life.
The darkness that I read about in your journey, it's not wrong. You're not wrong about it. But, it's not the focus of the story. It's window dressing. It's ancillary. It's flotsam and jetsam in the streaming of your consciousness. You're not wrong, but compared to the light that is shining brightly in your words and in your life story, those parts, to me, are utterly insignificant when compared to what you have accomplished. You're doing great work.
The first thing I noticed in your post here, in this thread, was the heart. The altruism. Then I noticed your hard work. Then I noticed you had discovered simultaneity and connections within and inherent in what seem to be contradictions. These things can drive a person mad. But you are surviving and thriving on a very difficult path. Perhaps the most difficult path.
And that is why I recognized you, immediately, as a friend, a fellow, and a comrade. I salute you. Welcome to the forum, Zspiral369.
Sincerely,
