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Journal Just some nonsense rambling

A record of a users' progress or achievements in their particular practice.

8Lou1

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No clue why and for whom (maybe just for me, who knows) but somehow it should be in vandheers journal: its not a bad thing when you are a mistake, it gives them a reason to move, solve and help, making things better.
 

Vandheer

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I felt auras of people who sat next to me on the train, and zapped one of them (and myself too with that ofc). 🤔

Okay all of this is leading into something. Energy is the key.

Hm, tomorrow I shall start working on Dan Tiens. If I am right at this, lower one percieves energy, middle one percieves emotion, and the upper one, conciousness. It also seems they resonate with bodies, lower energizes the physical body (come on, its in the name), middle for emotional and upper for mental.


I may be wrong at this but I dont feel so, but there is more to the story I don't know yet.
 

Vandheer

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Past, present, and future echoed in same day. I am out of words. Overwhelmed.

I am a blank paper now. As for what to write in that paper? I have an idea.
 

Vandheer

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Woah, so, I understand why Geomancy turned out my initial choice: familiarity.

I used to do divinations with this so called 'Napoleons book of fate'. The method there are the main method Stephen Skinner goes with geomancy. I am pleased to see this.

The divinations I had with this book never turned out wrong. I rarely ever divinate with it. And never for myself.

I don't understand divination. I am as noob as a muggle would get in it. However my intuition says at least for this book, you can't just pop it off for every question. I will apply the same to my Geomancy practice. But these times the questions will be personal.

I gotta clear my head first. Then lets dive in.
 

Vandheer

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So I have been doing LIRP, energy work from Robert Bruces books, meditation and concentration excersises alongside a little bit of Hatha Yoga while trying to learn Astrology and Geomancy. It keeps me busy.

I could do Middle Pillar. Drawing energy from Ain Soph Aur to the Kether (the Malkuth of Unmanifest), then it goes in the Middle Pillar (duh!) to the Malkuth.

Anyone with a good amount of experience on their belt will agree that I can not explain what Ain Soph Aur to you. Or to myself. Its the thing with this whatever Ain/The One/Tao/Whatever is, anytime you are trying to explain it, you would have to limit it into the words, even if you said Limitless.

You have to put mind aside to grasp it. Hence the same reason Jibril (the messenger angel/the mind) could not come with Muhammad beyond Sidretul Munha (treshold of what mind could grasp and what lies beyond), claiming that it would burn. Yes. Mind simply can not grasp it, even if you believe everything is mind. Even if thats true, it wouldn't be YOUR mind that encompasses everything.

Anyways.
 

Vandheer

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Did Middle Pillar, yeah it energized the hell out of me, its incredible for wiping out thoughts, bla bla..... Same old crap. Magick has become the mundane and mundane, other way around. I need to ground. Luckily the time has come for that.
 

Vandheer

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Everytime I hold my athame in hand, it gives me energy if I have none. Carries me enough to manage a ritual. I have made fine work in this one.

This new method of percieving things are coming along nice so far. Though I gotta admit it only helped me percieve energy better, for now. Especially ones coming from ground. That was nice.

Geomancy is very close to being learned, I won't be suprise if I get the hang of it tonight. I have to learn some planetary associations however. Seems like there is no escape from this. Well, I am a quick learner.
 

Vandheer

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Lovely group ritual as usual. Wonder when we will do the next one :).

I can do geomantic reads now. Don't know what should I ask but will find something.

Still, I need more roughening up on planetary associations. This will gladly help on many areas, so I know I am not punching air here.

And Qabala oh Qabala, I found myself looking at Dion Fortunes book again, to learn more connections, but found a problem in Yesod. Alright, this gotta be something.
 

Vandheer

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Chokmah, is pure force. Hence its on the pillar of mercy, mascilune one. Binah is the form. It gives shape into the force, but with form, comes death. Thats why its on the pillar of severity, the feminine side. We have 3 pairs like this.

Chokmah - Binah
Chesed - Geburah
Netzach - Hod

The two lower pairs, I need more study to explain, but Chesed is like a wise old king while Geburah is the conquering one. Netzach is emotion while Hod is pure intellectual thought, etc ad infinitum.

Every upper sephira carry within the potential of latter sephira. Kether therefore, while carrying form and force, its not manifested yet. The title given it is Crown. Its something immediately above the head. One meaning of this being Kether is of but not within the manifest cosmos, probably. One title given to it 'The Head Which Is Not', hints at it.

Anyways, this info is useless if not applied. Looking at you, Middle Pillar.
 

Vandheer

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Oh well, with that it seems like everything has been dropped on the table, no stone unturned.

I have no more ties to online occult communities except one, one. Aşkım, we will meet again.

Anyways, now that I am hanging out solo I can be me without hurting someone in process, especially people that didn't deserve it.

Lots of goals to achieve. Lots of things to do. It will take months to achieve, but I can.
 

Diluculo_DelFuego

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"Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve" -- A subliminal line from David McGraws 500 Positive Affirmations off youtube :)
 

Vandheer

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Its one of those angry days again.

On the way of sobriety you go through these days. Its not like bad days never happen, but if you are trying to quit an addiction its making worse. Oh wouldn't you like a sweet relapse Vandheer? No I wouldn't.

I could succumb to this anger, and start one of those cycles again. Go as far ahaed to mess with people that has nothing to do with this even if the initial target had it coming, and end up worse than them, yet again.

Am I really a good practitioner if I can't even control a single addiction?

No more succumbing. Hell, I better get back to the daily rituals instead of being mad all day. Sorry emotions, you don't control me no more.
 

Vandheer

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Qabala study should be over in a week tops. Learned a good chunk. It may come useful later.

At Tiphareth, you look at the associations and there are a lot of 'Sacrificed God' concepts. It is also associated with 'The Son'. Made me remember this John 14 verse which I was held on gunpoint to read, but thats okay 🤠👍

“Most assuredly, I say to you, he who believes in Me, the works that I do he will do also; and greater works than these he will do, because I go to My Father. And whatever you ask in My name, that I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask anything in My name, I will do it.

Father is associated with Kether (also Chokmah), and Tiphareth is the Son. We know that Tiphareth is Kether on a lower arc. Makes sense. Makes a lot of sense.

Have to improve ritualwork but some sense of discipline has been established, finally. Last but not least, frog pose is awesome for getting into asanas.
 

Vandheer

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Bruh 😂 oh man, my directions were literally reversed in ritual it appears, lmfao. But now all fixed.

Friend is staying. He had his muslim prayer thing and he did realize the places energy getting heightened thanks to my rituals. Nice. Another person recognizing it is nice.

In todays LIRP I nearly puked, again. Something is up with my emotional center. Well, tbh no suprise after everything. Lots of emotional tar.
 

8Lou1

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I got a puke infestation here too, hope you get over it soon. On my side of the fence (thanks @Jarhyn for showing how to create the fence) it seems the puke are leftovers from a destroyed 'together till the end out of love' and only hating death, the destroyer. As death was wrong about time and place, but still won.

Mourning a past tense, even typing it makes me wanna puke. I now know for sure im not a scavenger. Narrow is the road...
 

Vandheer

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Its a real fucking annoyance when you are living with someone elses longing and sorrow. As if I am not already trying to beat an addiction and any addict would know feelings of sorrow does not help at slightest.

As if they haven't picked this fate to themselves. 🤷‍♂️

Not my problem if they wanna just lie there and be sad. Its a problem it this is reaching me out. I am here to achieve great things. Don't drag me no more.
 

Vandheer

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A river splits in two. One part of it contains vine, one part of it contains honey.

They didn't want to seperate but fate had other plans.

This didn't make them any less great.
 
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