Journal Just some nonsense rambling

[Vandheer]

Things ended in peace. All is well. I have no more depression, and I have been gaining a lot on sobriety. This is a new blank white page in my life.


One question keeps me awake at night however, should I learn Geomancy first or Astrology?


Maybe I will flip a coin.

 

[Öwnchef]

One question keeps me awake at night however, should I learn Geomancy first or Astrology?

Astrology.
Shall I be nice to you or an asshole?

 

[Vandheer]

Astrology.
Shall I be nice to you or an asshole?

Is there a difference when you are an Australian

 

[Öwnchef]

Is there a difference when you are an Australian

I wouldn't have asked otherwise. It is your choice.

 

[Öwnchef]

A decision is not a present. And it is your decision. You have nothing to fear.

 

[Vandheer]

Already loving Geomancy. Lets go with this one.

 

[Öwnchef]

Already loving Geomancy. Lets go with this one.

I love it, too. I am very interested in your experiences with Geomancy. Please tell us about it. Maybe there is something to learn in it for us all.

 

[Vandheer]

Pretty productive day.

I have done a ritual after months. It was a LBRP followed by consecration to this knife I have. Should I call it an athame or something fancy now?

My qigong excersise has become a burden more than something I enjoy doing, so yeah, I am done with that. I will find a different path when it comes to energy work, until then, Robert Bruce will suffice.

I will be doing a declaration ritual soon. Thats what I need. A magickal oath. Nice day, all in all though.

 

[Vandheer]

Is it a coincidence that I started have layered nightmares after just starting to do rituals? Probably no.

Do I love these? Yes.

 

[Öwnchef]

There is no coincidence.

 

[Vandheer]

So far all of these layered dreams has been in same location, my house, but everything is dark. Lights either do not work or they have to be opened.

The vibe is dreadful. After a certain amount of 'wakes' you tend to understand you still didn't wake up. With every wake, the next dream feels more real, there have been many times I was fooled into thinking I woke up.

I have never met an entity in these dreams. Its just me. I have never gotten lucid enough to explore them, only enough to realize I am dreaming.

This thing is fascinating. Am I dreaming? Is this some kind of weird projection? Fucking hell I need to learn more of this.

 

[Öwnchef]

Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow —
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.

I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand —
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep — while I weep!
O God! Can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?

 

[Öwnchef]

Depression is an emergency desease. Please be extra careful. If you should think you can't make it see a doctor at once. Medication is harmless and easy and you only need it for a limited time. Death is infinite.

 

[Vandheer]

Depression is an emergency desease. Please be extra careful. If you should think you can't make it see a doctor at once. Medication is harmless and easy and you only need it for a limited time. Death is infinite.

I appreciate the concern.

I have made amends with the source of my depression and haven't looked back since. Its been close to two weeks since the last depressive episode.

I am definitely not considering suicide. I wanna live. Not survive, live. There is a clear cut diffefence. I wanna live. I have never done that before.

 

[Öwnchef]

I was there and took no help. And I am still fine. Be strong!

 

[Silsebyl]

Well, since you wrote you feel much better now, I guess your dreams start trying to understand, why your hard time has been so hard. There's something your dreams really fear to show you. No matter which state of sleep, from deepest to close to awake, you can't switch the light on and make conscious, what you fear so much, where you feel all alone and what is yet still unknown to you.

You decided to live, so your dreams might turn on the lights soon.

 

[8Lou1]

Ill stay out, as i prob make it worse, but if you need something, even a slurp of energy, you are welcome here. Just let me know you do it by your own will, as in write it and after that action. No subconscious in the background almost junky stuff.

 

[Vandheer]

Well, since you wrote you feel much better now, I guess your dreams start trying to understand, why your hard time has been so hard. There's something your dreams really fear to show you. No matter which state of sleep, from deepest to close to awake, you can't switch the light on and make conscious, what you fear so much, where you feel all alone and what is yet still unknown to you.

You decided to live, so your dreams might turn on the lights soon.

Gotta figure this out

Ill stay out, as i prob make it worse, but if you need something, even a slurp of energy, you are welcome here

I will think about that

 

[Silsebyl]

I dreamed about you a few days ago. In my dream you had the strength to say: I will heal myself. You started doing this and you didn't fail, but you turned very pale and lost contact to who you've been before. It was a state of not being the old one any more and not knowing who you will be, which was not a nice state at all.

Of course it was my dream and thus might talk only about myself, having nothing to do with you. I've experienced something like this in different contexts.

I would say, let the things take the time they need, go slowly and careful. I am sure you will know more very soon.

 

[Vandheer]

I dreamed about you a few days ago. In my dream you had the strength to say: I will heal myself. You started doing this and you didn't fail, but you turned very pale and lost contact to who you've been before. It was a state of not being the old one any more and not knowing who you will be, which was not a nice state at all.

Of course it was my dream and thus might talk only about myself, having nothing to do with you. I've experienced something like this in different contexts.

I would say, let the things take the time they need, go slowly and careful. I am sure you will know more very soon.

Your dream absolutely resonates, to an uncomforable degree