Journal Just some nonsense rambling

[the fool]

god's in his heaven

 

[Vandheer]

god's in his heaven

All is right in the world.

 

[Vandheer]

So close to beating the addiction now. Withdrawal symptoms are getting worse which means healing is on the way.

I am getting help too. So close now, so close.

Occult wise there is good progress. Some days there are still slip ups but I am much better than before for sure.

Also I have been further than ever in my German knowledge. This is the thing I am most disciplined at somehow.

I will update this journal once in a blue moon, I think.

👨‍🦽👩‍

 

[Vandheer]

Pull all of that stunt and you thought you would get away, have a nice life, right?

You would just have it your way just like you had it all the time, right? You couldn't be said no, right?

What happened? Whats wrong, your patrons couldn't protect you from me? Where is your so precious Melek Tawus? Metatron? Leviathan?

Whats wrong?

I came to your safe haven, threatened you in front of your online friends, taunted your irl friends, yet you still can't do shit about it can you? Pussy. Putting on a high and mighty mask, while we know you are nothing more than an addict with a daydreaming fetish. The hell with you and your pathworkings. You don't know of real power.


Don't worry, I am done with you, believe or not. You are scarred for good, without me seriously doing something. Go put on your mask and dilly dally with those stupid friends of yours, I know you are living in fear. But I won't show up, like I said.


I am done with this.

Christ. What the hell is wrong with me?

 

[8Lou1]

The adventures of vandheer in someone elses world. Seems you didnt like it, which was likewise.

 

[Diluculo_DelFuego]

Christ. What the hell is wrong with me?

Growing pains.

 

[8Lou1]

Btw, i think you should put that text on your shield. That text makes everyone think what the hell did i do?!?! It Gives them a cooky of their own. Very nice curse i have to say.

 

[Vandheer]

約束します。


I have done something today that I was both unable to because of reasons both within and without my control of: reading a journal in BALG.


As an addict (I am making progress), we don't tend to feel anything uncomfortable. Addictions are a means to escape. An addict will understand what I mean. Anything so you can escape the pain for a while.


I have been acknowledging my regret. But now do I truly regret the things I have done, after reading these entries. One spesifically stands out, 10th December, 2021.


... Are you still looking for your true drop of rain in a year without rain? ...


... If I say that, do you laugh at me? Do you laugh with me? Or do you feel guilt? ...


... If one could live two lifetimes, I would live two lifetimes. I’m sorry. ...


Now as I truly understand what has been written, regret truly settled. I feel something again after a good while, doesn't matter if its regret.

Spoiler: You wonder what have I done?

I have threatened my loved one as in hurting her family and friends. One of them had cancer, and I mocked them. As a fucking addict, I found the audacity to mock my dear ones own struggles and addictions. She was in so much stress because of this, she developed anxiety, lost weight, started having nightmares about me. She didn't even defend herself back, only threat she gave me was to harm herself.

I could only stop myself after seeing her broke down in front of me. I thought she was gonna have a heart attack.

Now dear reader, if you were curious enough to click into the spoiler button, I ask you to put yourself in her shoes. How betrayed and hurt you would feel?

You,
Despite everything, you are reading this.

That says a lot. I wish you rest.


Okay. I do not plan to embarass myself further. If someone is hating my guts, they will be laughing their asses off, I say let them have it. Even I pity myself right now.

Next time I will post, it will be about me being free of my addiction. That should be first of december. We shall see.

 

[8Lou1]

As to acknowledge my humanness i let my curiosity win and of course clicked the button...

I dont need to act like i was in that place and i dont mind. I still love the way i do with an addendum: i asked to teach me to let go of family in the proper sense and im doing that.
So was i hurt? nope. Was my heartattack near? nope. Am i sadly surprised at the outcome of such a beautiful trail? Yes, but you know what? Even i know that what i saw cant be lived and it would have been treason to let it happen.

Never ever think im a backstabber i just fell in love with the game in a different sense.

Team Freedom,
Lou

 

[Vandheer]

I have no idea why you have been commenting all of these random posts, I do not know what your deal is with me, but rest assured, I am not talking about you, Lou.

I do not understand a single thing you talk about either.

Like Mider wrote on a different thread, you guys circlejerk anything.

Leave me alone.

 

[Mider2009]

Qabala study should be over in a week tops. Learned a good chunk. It may come useful later.

At Tiphareth, you look at the associations and there are a lot of 'Sacrificed God' concepts. It is also associated with 'The Son'. Made me remember this John 14 verse which I was held on gunpoint to read, but thats okay

“Most assuredly, I say to you, he who believes in Me, the works that I do he will do also; and greater works than these he will do, because I go to My Father. And whatever you ask in My name, that I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask anything in My name, I will do it.

Father is associated with Kether (also Chokmah), and Tiphareth is the Son. We know that Tiphareth is Kether on a lower arc. Makes sense. Makes a lot of sense.

Have to improve ritualwork but some sense of discipline has been established, finally. Last but not least, frog pose is awesome for getting into asanas.

Read Dion Fortunes Mystical Quabalah, Rabbi Ariel Bar Tzadok has a website with free audio classes and and YouTube videos explaining the Quabalah

 

[Vandheer]

One or two days after I made this post, dunno the exact time, I have made a hypersigil in the form of an e-mail, with the intent of acceptance of the situation and moving on.

No, I haven't cut anything.

I can't say it has worked 100% yet, since
1) Hypersigils do take time,
2) Its my birthday today and I am missing a thing or two,

but its showing signs. It started with release on my middle dan tien, and now my voice has gotten a lower tone (I certainly didn't expect that), and I am slowly looking forward, more and more.

We have two more months to go but I can confidently say this was the best year I have had so far. Happiness was bliss and pain was a lesson to learn, and I have had an abundance of both. Its time to look forward. I can corone this year if I manage to win my last fight. One month, and we shall see.

A weird event will happen in future, beyond my power, I can sense it, it will be significant for me, but what?

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[Mider2009]

One or two days after I made this post, dunno the exact time, I have made a hypersigil in the form of an e-mail, with the intent of acceptance of the situation and moving on.

No, I haven't cut anything.

I can't say it has worked 100% yet, since
1) Hypersigils do take time,
2) Its my birthday today and I am missing a thing or two,

but its showing signs. It started with release on my middle dan tien, and now my voice has gotten a lower tone (I certainly didn't expect that), and I am slowly looking forward, more and more.

We have two more months to go but I can confidently say this was the best year I have had so far. Happiness was bliss and pain was a lesson to learn, and I have had an abundance of both. Its time to look forward. I can corone this year if I manage to win my last fight. One month, and we shall see.

A weird event will happen in future, beyond my power, I can sense it, it will be significant for me, but what?

Please, Log in or Register to view URLs content!

Happy birthday

 

[Vandheer]

Happy birthday

Thank you very much man

 

[Vandheer]

Finally, last string of attachment is gone now, I have been freed. Couldn't have a better gift. Thank you.


Time for a lot of magickal and mundane work.

 

[Diluculo_DelFuego]

One or two days after I made this post, dunno the exact time, I have made a hypersigil in the form of an e-mail, with the intent of acceptance of the situation and moving on.

No, I haven't cut anything.

I can't say it has worked 100% yet, since
1) Hypersigils do take time,
2) Its my birthday today and I am missing a thing or two,

but its showing signs. It started with release on my middle dan tien, and now my voice has gotten a lower tone (I certainly didn't expect that), and I am slowly looking forward, more and more.

We have two more months to go but I can confidently say this was the best year I have had so far. Happiness was bliss and pain was a lesson to learn, and I have had an abundance of both. Its time to look forward. I can corone this year if I manage to win my last fight. One month, and we shall see.

A weird event will happen in future, beyond my power, I can sense it, it will be significant for me, but what?

Please, Log in or Register to view URLs content!

Happy Birthday dude!!! Hope it was a great one, and a great year ahead for you.

 

[Vandheer]

Well, I said I was gonna do one more post on first of november but I actually meant december, but fuck it anyways.


So, nearly all of my bad habits are gone. Stalking? Hypersigil is working and I am losing more and more interest in staying attached to past.
Overspending? Gone.
The infamous addiction? I have ripped something off of my spine, in my etheric body, and since that day I have never experienced hand tremblings again. Addictions clearly fuck up our subtle bodies as well, wow.

I have been using both technology and magick to get myself through these. More than halfway there. My word is my will now. I practice my magick through discipline more than hype now.

This magickal name of mine which happens to be my nickname carries a lot of weight behind it. Its like a backpack full of rocks. No more.


I am sure there is no long-term consequences to this.

 

[KjEno186]

I have ripped something off of my spine, in my etheric body

I don't know if it will help, but John Michael Greer has a post on a simple etheric cleansing ritual called the Judson Exercise. I've tried it a few times and need to make it a part of my daily routine.

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[Vandheer]

I don't know if it will help, but John Michael Greer has a post on a simple etheric cleansing ritual called the Judson Exercise. I've tried it a few times and need to make it a part of my daily routine.

Please, Log in or Register to view URLs content!

Love me some Greer man. This type of rituals is the thing I need because I am sure there is a lot of gunk in my subtle bodies at the moment, this is gonna be a daily thing for me probably, so thank you !

 

[Vandheer]

In my invokings, I always hear of a wind noise blowing. I thought this was an error on my part, mixing air with other elements in my visualisations, but turns out I have been actually hearing the four winds. I faintly remember this four winds thing. Wonder what this is about.

Thought I lost my clairsenses but the hearing and feeling is there. Not sure about seeing.

Also fixing my sleep cycle seemed to help a lot with dreams. I always get vivid dreams now, and I had two lucid ones today.

The four winds...