Magick with severe mental illness.

[Konsciencia]

Here is the thing a lot of people don't understand, a lot of my mental illness and difficulties are karma related. How else are you supposed to deal with karma? Taking the slow and easy path? Working on it across numerous potentially hundreds of lives in what can be done with one and being lax and still?

I really don't want to have to incarnate again, I hate to be cynical, but I've had enough. I know it's dangerous if you aren't prepared because it can hit you like a ton of bricks, but I have a ton of negative karma that I have to shed and it wonder what the fuck I did in a previous life to give me so much karmic baggage, but whatever I did, it's my job to shed it. I owe it not just to the world, but I owe it to myself.

I'm not unprepared, I'm not naive, I know it's painful, I know it fucking sucks, I'm aware of that. Just let me do Magick, even if you think it's a bad idea and don't force me to hold on to baggage I didn't ask or want to have because I have mental illness based on that baggage.

I understand.

 

[Wildchildx11]

There are mysteries but it is hubris in the extreme, and it's rampant in this age, to think that a person is entitled to access those mysteries just because they happen to exist. Not everything is democratic, not every door is open. As Plato had engraved above his school "Let none who is ignorant of Geometry enter here" or as Percival knew when he approached the Grail, all who drink who have not first become pure, drink destruction upon themselves.

Live with the dissatisfaction for a while (we all have to do that anyway, even after we've got some answers; you'll save yourself some time by adapting now). Living with it will be a good test of resolve. Bigger questions will still be there later. Follow a curriculum that has been externally set, not because of what's "at the end" but because the exercise of Will in following the curriculum is the thing that strengthens. Practice virtue in the ancient sense. Virtue was a requirement in the ancient schools because the teachers knew it was the only thing that could make humans strong enough to encounter the divine. Focus on others rather than on your own thoughts, most of which are inherited from external forces anyway.

Or don't. Keep spinning your wheels. The choice is yours.

Retorque Fila Fatum- It was the magickal motto I came up with years and years ago, it means "I twist the thread of fate".
I was thinking of Clothos when I came up with it, the spinning wheel reminded me of that.

You already gave me the answer.

 

[Vandheer]

Thank you for helping me realize that it's based on ego, we all have ego. I was probably just an average person to be quite honest. My Astrology Chart does suggest I'm being pretty much fucked over by karma though.

And if in the terrible case Karma may not exists after all?

 

[Wildchildx11]

And if in the terrible case Karma may not exists after all?

You're suggesting that I can create a reality where it doesn't?

Done.

My own internal reality at least. It's not a perfect system and has major flaws.

Post automatically merged: May 7, 2024

A perfect God wouldn't create a system with those flaws.

It's ridiculous that I was even going down the rabbit hole I was going down in the first place.

 

[Pyrokar]

Don't try to trick yourself by saying it's too easy, it's not. In fact if you even feel yourself trying to find excuses -
then you should double the force of will and get it done no matter the cost.

They can't though, I've already tried exoteric religion. I've been redeemed from my sins. It leaves me feeling like I'm lacking something and doesn't deal with the psychological baggage I have to work through. It leaves me unsatisfied with the answers I seek.

That is the ego.
you wont stop untill you get answers that you want to hear.
going through any religious cleansing is not meant to heal your baggage, it is meant to spiritually absolve you of your sins
this was the whole point. After you have done that, you are no longer supposed to be suffering some punishment you feel you deserve
and you don't need to be afraid of the things you already mentioned.
Go do it again. Don't you worry about the political or conspiratory aspects of religion, what you are looking for - is faith.

Working on yourself is not an adventure, you can't die or save the planet. It's just work.
you owe it to yourself and have a responsibility to deal with your baggage like an adult
if you are as strong as you claim to be then you don't need magick.
if somehow what you think about karmic rebirth is true, by faith you will be given a new clean plate to start over from

It's very hard yes, but it's also very ordinary. No incantation will give you what you need
get a job, make some friends, join a support group.

Magick is not for you, at least not now. maybe in the future
if you don't trust me or others here find any modern book and you will see that every single one
in the first 10 pages saying everyone with mental issues should NOT practice.
we can't all be wrong and you the only one who is right?

 

[Wildchildx11]

That is the ego.
you wont stop untill you get answers that you want to hear.
going through any religious cleansing is not meant to heal your baggage, it is meant to spiritually absolve you of your sins
this was the whole point. After you have done that, you are no longer supposed to be suffering some punishment you feel you deserve
and you don't need to be afraid of the things you already mentioned.
Go do it again. Don't you worry about the political or conspiratory aspects of religion, what you are looking for - is faith.

Working on yourself is not an adventure, you can't die or save the planet. It's just work.
you owe it to yourself and have a responsibility to deal with your baggage like an adult
if you are as strong as you claim to be then you don't need magick.
if somehow what you think about karmic rebirth is true, by faith you will be given a new clean plate to start over from

It's very hard yes, but it's also very ordinary. No incantation will give you what you need
get a job, make some friends, join a support group.

Magick is not for you, at least not now. maybe in the future
if you don't trust me or others here find any modern book and you will see that every single one
in the first 10 pages saying everyone with mental issues should NOT practice.
we can't all be wrong and you the only one who is right?

I'm aware of the consequences. I can deal with them.

I don't think you understand. I'm on the path. I can't just get off.

Post automatically merged: May 7, 2024

"No external god, teacher, doctor, angel, magician, therapist, mentor, or friend can heal me, for the healing work can only be done by me. I can't wait for life to come and cure me of my problems, suffering and defects, a miracle isn't going to be granted by an angel, for the only one who's capable of my own healing is the god that resides inside my mind, body, spirit and soul. That god is me."

I've been on the path. I'm going to continue on the path. That is the end of discussion.

 

[Taudefindi]

no one ever saw their past life as a janitor
everyone was the Queen of Atlantis or Atilla the Hun.

And that is my biggest issue when it comes to those regressions.You can be sure that most of ten than not a person's bias will make it so they see themselves as someone great, not someone like they are in this life(or worse).

stay out of magick

I have to agree with Pyrokar here.

OP, you seem to be unstable(based on your writing) and honestly while we try to help give advice to others about many issues and doubts they have, we aren't a service to help people deal with their own problems.We don't have the qualifications to do so and we can't pretend that we do.

, imagine constant suffering on a spiritual level. You've never felt happy. I was suicidal and told my teachers I wanted to kill myself when I was 7

I really advise you to seek proper and professional help, OP.We don't have the tools nor the capacity to deal with something like that.

I need to know the spiritual explanation on what I did to experience such suffering

One thing I learned from the Spiritists when it came to past lives is: if you are to learn about a past life in order to fix a problem you have in this one, you will end up learning about it.Otherwise, let it go.

If you're not prepared or able to put the work in at that level first, magic isn't for you and it never will be.

I'm of the mind that magic can only help a person develop themselves(and find out about the truths of reality) once they figure themselves a bit on their own.Because otherwise it is a "blind person guiding another" type of situation.

What will happen if it turns out you were an average joe/jane back in the previous life too?

Considering how long humanity has existed(and if the theories of people having been animals in their past lives too), it is way more common for most people to have many average joe/jane past lives than lives of someone of renown or power.

I'm not going to stop practicing Magick, no matter how unhealthy it is. I still have cravings for answers for knowledge, and to understand certain things.

You don't need to stop, but slow it down a bit in order to first focus on your own mental health and maybe building the basic blocks of magic.No one is racing here, there is no need to try to speedrun things.

 

[Diluculo_DelFuego]

I will say perhaps focus on candle magic (We have an excellent book by Anna Rivas on this), or elemental magic.
I second the motion on getting absolved of sins, and pursuing therapy.

 

[Wildchildx11]

And that is my biggest issue when it comes to those regressions.You can be sure that most of ten than not a person's bias will make it so they see themselves as someone great, not someone like they are in this life(or worse).

I have to agree with Pyrokar here.

OP, you seem to be unstable(based on your writing) and honestly while we try to help give advice to others about many issues and doubts they have, we aren't a service to help people deal with their own problems.We don't have the qualifications to do so and we can't pretend that we do.


I really advise you to seek proper and professional help, OP.We don't have the tools nor the capacity to deal with something like that.


One thing I learned from the Spiritists when it came to past lives is: if you are to learn about a past life in order to fix a problem you have in this one, you will end up learning about it.Otherwise, let it go.


I'm of the mind that magic can only help a person develop themselves(and find out about the truths of reality) once they figure themselves a bit on their own.Because otherwise it is a "blind person guiding another" type of situation.


Considering how long humanity has existed(and if the theories of people having been animals in their past lives too), it is way more common for most people to have many average joe/jane past lives than lives of someone of renown or power.


You don't need to stop, but slow it down a bit in order to first focus on your own mental health and maybe building the basic blocks of magic.No one is racing here, there is no need to try to speedrun things.

I do seek professional help, it's due to a mutation in a Norepinephrine receptor. No cure. Just management.
I'm going to be depressed for the rest of my life, it's treatment resistant, based on genetics.

 

[8Lou1]

hi, i once lived with someone on prednisone and we all became depressed. you say you are naturally depressed due to a physical malfunction, thats quite nasty. i think your outward appearance online quite hides it. you feel a bit irritated, but not depressed. do you secretly enjoy your own visuals? cause then you secretly arent depressed anymore and your medicine is working like that.

maybe youve already accepted that, idk. but if you do id say you can do magick, but with wyrd views and thoughts. for myself i find it important to rule my life by what the god of the bible said about earth: humans label it and rule it. so the fact that demons cant break you makes it a pro and a good thing. my experience with angels is that they dont care when a job needs to be done, so you might be able to find your real spiritual border with angels.

i got some strong why's myself too, silly thing is when someone answers them i kick their asses cause they aint god and i asked god. poor messengers i think afterwards, but i do it non the less. anyways i took a lifelong lesson in happiness and am learning that in order to make fun with the world (my way or the highway) i need some connections. your depression might just as well be the mirror of my euphoria.

 

[Shaman]

I do seek professional help, it's due to a mutation in a Norepinephrine receptor. No cure. Just management.
I'm going to be depressed for the rest of my life, it's treatment resistant, based on genetics.

Have you tried psychedelics? They cause permanent changes to your brain chemistries. Just be careful, do NOT do them if you're prone to psychosis or mania otherwise its beneficial.

 

[Xenophon]

They can't though, I've already tried exoteric religion. I've been redeemed from my sins. It leaves me feeling like I'm lacking something and doesn't deal with the psychological baggage I have to work through. It leaves me unsatisfied with the answers I seek.

I would tend to say that 1) if traditional religion does not do it for you, then avoid it; 2) magick probably is not going to be a great help till you get a rein on the other problems you mention. Do the spade work, but don't expect to make strides till then.

Post automatically merged: May 7, 2024

And if in the terrible case Karma may not exists after all?

Tyrsegg, a writer I keep coming back to, has an incantation running in part, "...there is no devotio* to pay; abolished, the Norn's decree..." His occult fiction keeps coming back to the notion that karma is mostly a bogeyman moralizers smuggled in through the Buddha's backdoor.

*The old Roman rite where a commander pledged his spirit to the manes and the tellurian gods in exchange for victory. He then went out and got himself killed in battle. Publius Decius Mus came from a family in which three successive generations so pledged and acted.

 

[Wildchildx11]

Have you tried psychedelics? They cause permanent changes to your brain chemistries. Just be careful, do NOT do them if you're prone to psychosis or mania otherwise its beneficial.

My dad used to grow psysilobin shrooms and got the bright idea that they would cure my depression. It's when I had my delusions of hell where everything was exactly the same but something in my perception changed and I believed I was trapped in hell because I saw hatred, genocide, war, famine, murder and believed I was in the book of Revelations. I smoked weed with Jesus, he told me I did nothing wrong and I didn't have an evil bone in my body and he said "do you know how rare that is" while in hell we had a whole ass conversation with about bad parents and how they affected us since he told me, and I know it's blasphemy that his biological mother neglected him and sent him away when he was 13, he told me Judas was a hash dealer and advised me "don't give money to a hash dealer".

Keep in mind I was psychotic and believed I was in hell, I ended up in the hospital the following day which I viewed as a plane of limbo where people go between life states because psychotic patients kept on saying "Will I remember anything when I return?" due to syncronicities.