Don't try to trick yourself by saying it's too easy, it's not. In fact if you even feel yourself trying to find excuses -
then you should double the force of will and get it done no matter the cost.
They can't though, I've already tried exoteric religion. I've been redeemed from my sins. It leaves me feeling like I'm lacking something and doesn't deal with the psychological baggage I have to work through. It leaves me unsatisfied with the answers I seek.
That is the ego.
you wont stop untill you get answers that you
want to hear.
going through any religious cleansing is not meant to heal your baggage, it is meant to spiritually absolve you of your sins
this was the whole point. After you have done that, you are no longer supposed to be suffering some punishment you feel you deserve
and you don't need to be afraid of the things you already mentioned.
Go do it again. Don't you worry about the political or conspiratory aspects of religion, what you are looking for - is faith.
Working on yourself is not an adventure, you can't die or save the planet. It's just work.
you owe it to yourself and have a responsibility to deal with your baggage like an adult
if you are as strong as you claim to be then you don't need magick.
if somehow what you think about karmic rebirth is true, by faith you will be given a new clean plate to start over from
It's very hard yes, but it's also very ordinary. No incantation will give you what you need
get a job, make some friends, join a support group.
Magick is not for you, at least not now. maybe in the future
if you don't trust me or others here find any modern book and you will see that every single one
in the first 10 pages saying everyone with mental issues should NOT practice.
we can't all be wrong and you the only one who is right?