Journal Journal of Night and Day, Son and Moon

[DiLoco_DelEted]

Well, I must be hated by someone powerful. Congratulations, you win, now go away and stay away.
No offense to them but I have more issues than I can deal with and dont need their issues as well.

At least one person came through for me for a couple of months on housing. Will talk with my case manager and see what options I have.
So at least one more person cares about me and loves me for who I am, whether LHP, RHP, other path or no path.
Okay, cuddled with kitty and will continue to do so. But can not take the time to do sudy. Or any work except prioritizing moving.

I saw a sign today saying "Hate does not live here.". I wondered why people hate me, since I am not a threat, just afraid of people since there are so many horrid people in this world. Im hated. I dont know why, Im so concerned with my life that magic for me is no longer possible. God hates me, the world city I live in hates me, except for a small percentage of the people in my family line. Im even made fun of and hated by a few. I dont know why. So, alone it is for me except for a very small few. I guess what Im saying is I bare my soul, you do not. I love, you hate on me. Who is more powerful? What power do you truly have of your own? How resilient are you? How much of a survivor are you? This is not the first time for me. Not trying to be dramatic (too late), but just saying there are few in this world that Ive seen that are friendly without a personal agenda behind the smile.

 

[Lemongrass00]

Well, I must be hated by someone powerful. Congratulations, you win, now go away and stay away.
No offense to them but I have more issues than I can deal with and dont need their issues as well.

At least one person came through for me for a couple of months on housing. Will talk with my case manager and see what options I have.
So at least one more person cares about me and loves me for who I am, whether LHP, RHP, other path or no path.
Okay, cuddled with kitty and will continue to do so. But can not take the time to do sudy. Or any work except prioritizing moving.

I saw a sign today saying "Hate does not live here.". I wondered why people hate me, since I am not a threat, just afraid of people since there are so many horrid people in this world. Im hated. I dont know why, Im so concerned with my life that magic for me is no longer possible. God hates me, the world city I live in hates me, except for a small percentage of the people in my family line. Im even made fun of and hated by a few. I dont know why. So, alone it is for me except for a very small few. I guess what Im saying is I bare my soul, you do not. I love, you hate on me. Who is more powerful? What power do you truly have of your own? How resilient are you? How much of a survivor are you? This is not the first time for me. Not trying to be dramatic (too late), but just saying there are few in this world that Ive seen that are friendly without a personal agenda behind the smile.

This might sound radical, but try to act for a week believing that you are not cursed and responsible for everything that happens to you. I sincerely believe after that week you will see genuine improvements.

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

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Tuesday 4-11-2023 (4, Order?). Mars. Scorpio, Aries. Scarlet. Dragons Blood.


Sleep: Slept well couch crashing.

Dreams: None

Diet: Poor, of course so am I.

Exercise: A lot.

Stress: Through the roof.

Current Transits:

Moon Phase:

Weather: 70s. Hot and humid.

Mood: Six feet under.

Physical Notes: Sore all over, worn out and dehydrated. Giving up cannabis. Even CBD.

Rituals: None today except for a guided meditation.

Meditations: One path working and the point-line-cube. One mindfulness. Not done yet, but will do tonight.


New format - Mental Notes last.
Mental Notes:
I get word from my business partner that he was wondering if he should hire someone else. I said yes since it takes me out of that stress and hopefully they can get him online and making money while I cannot.

My housing plans were pulled out from under my feet yesterday. Guess I didn't act quick enough or have movie money soon enough.

Listening to Sisters of Mercy, still overwhelmed, my entire world has been pulled out from under my feet. Luckily, my heart was recognized by another, my soul reflected. Now I bear a wolf tail. Friends, thats what we need in this world. She saved me from the streets, even though again, complacency is my enemy. As much as my ego is.
So what is truly necessary to any of us when everything goes to hell in a hand basket? What to keep and carry? What is in a stndard soldiers rucksack minus any weapons.

Post automatically merged: Apr 12, 2023

This might sound radical, but try to act for a week believing that you are not cursed and responsible for everything that happens to you. I sincerely believe after that week you will see genuine improvements.

I will try this approach. I must say though, shit happens, Murphys law, so bear everyone else responsibility? Sure, why not. I see your point, but the jumping to conclusions can still occur when it comes to self-responsibility.


Let's see, how to try to get back on the right track, things like self responsibility for everything I experience and self accountability thus, I have to bear my responsibility and that of others.
I The Problems
1. I am not comfortable in hard or sharp environments, being epileptic.
2. I take my medication and try to keep stress low and sleep and eat as well as I can to keep away from the possibility of a seizure to occur.
3. Most environments have no carpeting.
4. Most environments share something in common, my fear of heights, even perceived.
II The Solution
1. So man up and prepare to be murdered on the job due to an unwelcome seizure. I guess. They're the only available jobs to me.

III The Problem
1. I have zero money and am at least 80k in debt.
IV The Solution
1. Therefore I will take the responsibility of manning up and going after the almighty dollar. Worship the goddamn thing if it will turn the circumstances.
2. Pursue Chapter 7 Bankruptcy. Achieve it and breathe after seven long years.

V The Problem
Job aside since nobody else seems to want to hire me for skills I once and still possess in Information Technology....
1. I have temporary housing.
VI The Solution
1. Going after Section 8 and a Shelter Voucher.
2. See if friend can commit to the timeline given and my proposal for rent coverage.
So housing covered best I can think of. I have no other possibilities in mind.

VII The Problem
1. I have no money or food.
VIII The Solution
1. Food pantries exist, so will hit the food pantry.

IX The Problem
1. I cannot properly care for my cat by continually jumping through hoops in life.
X The Solution
1. I have to give my cat up for adoption since I have no credit or money to take care of her.
2. All I want is for her to get the loving and responsible home she deserves.

XI The Problem
1. I have to give up posessions
XII The Solution
Im giving up all my possessions except for those critical.


I mean goddamn, how much more responsibility is truly necessary from me? For what exactly?


So...this week....
1. Get up tomorrow morning early and on the bus on time to get to keep my appointments.
2. Ask Case Manager for the world. Get blood drawn for medication levels. Explain all symptoms to doctor and psychiatrist.
3. Get back home and carry a load to friends place. Hopefully within a month my mind can be successfully recovered to a functioning level.
4. Hit a food pantry and raid it for all its worth.
5. Get on a Chapter 7 bankruptcy. Meet with a lawyer this week if at all possible.

Within the month:
6. Get through Bankruptcy.
7. Get medications leveled enough to be able to work.
8. Put all income into savings that I can.
9. Get secured housing within three months.
10. Meet with Case Manager daily or weekly.

Within the year...
11. Get therapy for post traumatic stress disorder and old disorders.
12. Despite Federal Loan debt, pay for tuition out of a minimum wage pocket for one class a semester.
13. Keep working toward the 60-125 credits necessary for a Bachelors Degree in something worth anything.
14. Retire before I have a fatal heart attack. My mother had one at the same age I am.
15. Perhaps buy a house if at all possible that I can own outright, land too.

Post automatically merged: Apr 12, 2023

Moving a considerable distance by hand with a pull cart when you have a lot of stuff, sucks ass, its tiring, and when you're overwhelmed you have zero prioritization skill. I cannot be complacent anywhere, I know this now. I wont be gathering moss except for oils I guess.
So, I rest up, keep my appointments, and haul one more load over and ask about the cat. I find a job tomorrow. Hopefully one that doesn't want to murder me on the job due to my own unique biochemistry.
I can't praise anyone but myself and my friends.

Listening to The Smiths How Soon is Now, we are all the same. We all have the same needs. Same: human being, air, food, sleep, water.
Love is also a need for all of us.


For the recent success' in life -
Hail to me. Hail to Panda (housing, support). Hail to Pandie (support). Hail to my family (for being there when nobody else is).


Celtic Cross Spread, Thoth deck, four knocks and drawn and restocked by HVHY - Describe my day -
Significator - 0 The Fool - Elemental Air. 11th Path. Kether to Chokmah.
Covers - XVIII The Moon - Pisces. 29th Path. Malkuth to Netzach.
Crosses - Prince of Cups - Fire of Air. Chokmah of Briah. C of HCOMA.
Crowns - XVII The Star - Aquarius. Chokmah to Tiphareth. 15th Path.
Beneath - XIV Art - Sagittarius. 25th Path. Yesod to Tiphareth.
Behind - X Fortune - Jupiter. Nextach to Chesed 21st Path.
Before - Princess of Wands - Earth of Fire. Malkuth of Atziluth. M of BITOM.
Querent - Knight of Cups. Tiphareth of Briah. M of HCOMA.
Environment - XII Hanged Man - Elemental Water. 23rd Path. Hod to Geburah.
Hopes and Fears - XX Aeon - Elemental Fire. Malkuth to Hod. 31st Path.
Final Outcome - Knight of Wands. Air of Fire. Tiphareth of Atziluth. O of BITOM.

Top of Deck - Queen of Wands. Water of Fire. Binah of Atziluth. I of BITOM.
An adventure today and ignoring reason, blown by the winds of life, my cover danger, deception and madness - but intrigue.
The crossing was an element higher than my usual significator, the Knight of Cups (Libra-Scorpio), the crowning Hope and Meditation, Nature.
Beneath me is the alchemical transition, the cause and effect left behind, or at least behind me. Sowing and reaping. Even subconscious seed.
Before me is an earthy but fiery energy. The Knight up cups is in deep water, over the head. Hopes and fears judgement, wants it to be over.
The final outcome - a next to pure fiery energy.

Celtic Cross Spread, Thoth Deck - Show me the path to Victory, Lord. 4 Knocks, drawn under YEHESHUA.
Significator - V The Hierophant. Taurus. 16th Path. Chesed to Chokmah.
Covers - XV The Devil. Capricorn. 26th Path. Tiphareth to Hod.
Crosses - I The Magus. Mercury. 12th Path. Kether to Binah.
Crowns - III The Empress. Venus. 14th Path. Binah to Chokmah.
Beneath - XVII The Star. Aquarius. 28th Path. Chokmah to Tiphareth.
Behind - Queen of Disks. Water of Earth. Binah of Assiah. A1 of NANTA.
Before - Ace of Cups. Spirit of Water. Kether of Briah. H of HCOMA.
Querent - IX The Hermit. Virgo. 20th Path. Tiphareth to Chesed.
Environment - VII The Chariot. Cancer. 18th Path. Binah to Geburah.
Hopes/Fears - Ace of Wands. Spirit of Fire. Kether of Atziluth. B of BITOM.
Final Outcome - Ace of Disks. Spirit of Earth. Kether of Assiah. N1 of NANTA.

Top of Deck - Art. Sagittarius. 25th Path. Yesod to Tiphreth.
Interpretation withheld.



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Wednesday 4-12-2023 (14=5, Mediation). Mercury. Orange. Storax.


Sleep: Barely slept six hours, missed first alarm but luckily awoke to second alarm and got up and on my way to my appointments.

Dreams: None recalled.

Diet: Poor, of course so am I.

Exercise: A lot.

Stress: Through the roof.

Current Transits:

Moon Phase:

Weather: 70s. Hot and humid.

Mood: Six feet under.

Physical Notes: Sore all over, worn out and dehydrated. Giving up cannabis. Even CBD.

Rituals: None today except for a guided meditation perhaps, or Neophyte Formula (Fourfold breathing, adorations, LBRP, Middle Pillar).

Meditations: One path working and the point-line-cube. One mindfulness. Not done yet, but will do tonight.


New format - Mental Notes last.
Mental Notes:
Going to look into safe work at a community college, and get paid tuition for the class. One year: 12 credit hours. Enough for a Certificate program. Five years there = Associates Degree or sixty hours towards a Bachelors. Ten years there - Two Associates Programs or completion of my Bachelors degree.


At my appointment even though I slept through the first alarm.


Bankruptcy will not occur this week.
The empty cart nearly broke, carrying me nearly falling down the stairs. So I think I will just carry a bag or two at a time over there every day.
Food pantry .. a bit late today, will hit one tomorrow.
Kept my necessary appointments however.


No more negativity or anger, it does not help or suit me.

Okay, hacker or no hacker, I need a decent job, one that gives me a sense of self worth.
I need therapy to get over my fears and phobias.
I need stable income and housing.


Got phone transferred over, called sister to check and make sure it was successful, it was.
Going to have a sweet potato and a grapefruit for dinner I think, either that or spaghetti and hit the food pantry tomorrow.

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

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Well, it is Thursday, 4-13-2023 (15=6, Beauty) 02:02 AM. Jupiter. Royal Blue. Cedar.


Sleep: Barely slept six hours, missed first alarm but luckily awoke to second alarm and got up and on my way to my appointments.

Dreams: None recalled.

Diet: Poor, of course so am I.

Exercise: A lot.

Stress: Through the roof.

Current Transits:

Moon Phase:

Weather: 70s. Hot and humid.

Mood: Low.

Physical Notes: Sore all over, worn out and dehydrated. Giving up cannabis. Even CBD. Nearly took a tumble down the stairs with an empty travel cart, but recovered me and it successfully even though it kind of got close to breaking apart. Told friend about it who wasn't thrilled, but at least it was a free cart for her, so she wasn't super pissed. Have a lot of stuff still. Will see this week about getting cat to an adoption or humane society. Maybe work for the Humane Society by giving love to the animals.

Rituals: None today except for a guided meditation perhaps, or Neophyte Formula (Fourfold breathing, adorations, LBRP, Middle Pillar).

Meditations: One path working and the point-line-cube. One mindfulness. Not done yet, but will do today.


New format - Mental Notes last.
Mental Notes:
Going to work with the homeless newspaper Groundcover News (like Chicagos StreetWise), as a writer and vendor.
Got a shelter referral, while no beds exist but dont want to stay there, just did it to shoot for the moon.


Perhaps I should work on basics first, what is Maslows Hierarchy of Human Needs?
The basics on up to social belonging and self actualization at the high end.
So we start with physical survival needs first. Sleep, shelter, food, water, relationships.

Writing for Ground Cover News might help me to work for MLive at some point. Perhaps when I get into school work for their paper as well.
Not a jounrnalism major, but may go that way. Washtenaw Community College it is for me. Then transfer again when situation improves.
Sure as hell wont be Computer Science again. No. Anthropology, Journalism, and some trade certificate of some kind. Self esteem through education.

Post automatically merged: Apr 13, 2023

Rituals Done with wand:
E: Lord of the Universe Adoration
E: Liber Resh Vel Helios morning adoration with Theoricus sign
S: Liber Resh Vel Helios noon adoration with Philosophus sign.
W: Lord of the Universe Adoration
W: Middle Pillar Ritual
W: Liber Resh Vel Helios Evening adoration with Practicus sign.
N: Liber Resh Vel Helios Midnight adoration with Zelator sign.
E: Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Pentagram (with pre and post Qabballistic Cross).

Post automatically merged: Apr 13, 2023

Divination:
IChing - On my homelessness - U B B B U B
Hexagram #4 - HEXAGRAM FOR YOUTHFUL FOLLY
Meaning:
Hexagram 4 is named 蒙 (méng), "Enveloping". Other variations include "youthful folly", "the young shoot", and "discovering". Its inner (lower)

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is ☵ (坎 kǎn) gorge = (

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) water, and its outer (upper)

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is ☶ (艮 gèn) bound = (

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) mountain.

Post automatically merged: Apr 13, 2023

We shall try this again after some piece of shit tried to hack my computer...
How did I come to this low state?
By being treated like shit by every employer. Never good enough for any of them.
Damaged my back working in a warehouse in Virginia, ending my job run there.
So what do I get in return? Fast food jobs. Jobs any ex-con can do.
Never mind I had 90 credits in a computer science program and fifteen years Information Technology experience.

I think I will write my own ritual book. Like 50% of the magic sewage crap out there, mine couldn't be much worse.


Oh well. Electronic Servicing, that is a possible path, a junior Electrical Engineer of sorts. One path.
C++ Coding Bootcamp. Another path. Journalism/writing. Another possible path.
Science transfer, another possible path. Criminal Justice perhaps as a path.

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Post automatically merged: Apr 13, 2023

I guess it is time to take what I can and save money to move from this dry area of jobs to somewhere West of Ann Arbor.
Off to find a job today, I guess wherever I can find one. Since nobody has integrity in hiring practices, I will try any and all local jobs.
I may have to ride coattails of others for sheer survival sake, I am not going to live in a shelter. I am going to get my life back.
Either that or get immediate therapy to get over the Syncope/Vertigo/Fear of Heights that is holding me back from life.

Post automatically merged: Apr 13, 2023

I have no money, no food, no money for nicotine.
I guess the weak links need to be pruned off the vine.
Going to get a stack of GCN and try to sell them today for money.
Try to write an article for GCN and get opinion on it.
That of hustle a Tarot Reading for a few folks with a ten dollar donation each.
Apply to companies I used to contact for directly as direct PT/FT hire at $17 to $25/hour.
Write a decent computer program from the ones Ive already started I guess.

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

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Friday 4-14-2023. Venus. Green. Lavender. 08:18 AM EST Detroit, MI USA. Venus Hour.

Sleep: Barely slept eight hours.
Dreams: None recalled. Some were sexual but no detail recalled. Friend zoned by couch crasher roomie may be to do with this. a Lone Tiger.
Diet: Poor, of course so am I. Currently having half a grapefruit and some coffee.
Exercise: A lot. Im walking approximately 5-10 miles a day.
Stress: Through the roof.

Current Transits:

Sun 24°17’Ari
Moon 9°17’ Aqu

Third Quarter Moon (284°59’)

Mercury

13°13’ Tau
Venus 3°51’ Gem
Mars 10°07’ Can

Jupiter

22°22’ Ari
Saturn 4°02’ Pis

Uranus

17°30’ Tau
Neptune 26°12’ Pis
Pluto 0°17’ Aqu
Node (M) 4°43’ Tau R
Node (T) 4°04’ Tau R
Lilith (M) 10°45’ Leo

Chiron

16°22’ Ari

Moon Phase: Third Quarter Waning crescent in Aquarius.

Weather: 80s. Hot and humid.
Temperature: 79 °F

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Precipitation: 0%
Humidity: 39%
Wind: 19 mph

Mood: Low.

Physical Notes: Sore all over, worn out and dehydrated. Slept with kitty and enjoyed her catnip session. Have a lot of stuff still. Will see this week about getting cat to an adoption or humane society. Maybe work for the Humane Society by giving love to the animals.

Rituals: None today except for a guided meditation perhaps, and Neophyte and Zelator Formula (Fourfold breathing, adorations, visualizations, mantra beads, rituals).


Meditations: One path working and the point-line-cube. One mindfulness. Not done yet, but will do today.


Tarot Card for the Day-
The card for the day is The Chariot, VII, Fence/Enclosure (as what Job had or hadn't around him), 8, Cheth, Cancer, house of Home and Family. The Eighteenth Path is called the House of Influence (by the greatness of whose abundance the influx of good things upon created beings is increased) and from the midst of the investigation the arcana and hidden senses are drawn forth, which dwell in its shade and which cling to it, from the cause of all causes.

Fourteen Card Tarot Reading:
Hail to El ELYON, to whom my spread was drawn, while thinking Shaddai El Chai: 14 card CCS with significator, majors/courts only.
Layout from right to left - Universal hexagram, Significator, Covers, Crosses, Crowns, Beneath;
UH, VII The Chariot(Cancer), Prince of Wands(Fire of Fire), Ace of Wands(Spirit of Fire), Knight of Swords(Air of Air), XIV Art(Sagittarius);
Behind, Before, Querent, Environment, Hopes / Fears, Final Outcome;
XI Lust(Leo), Princess of Wands(Earth of Fire), Ace of Cups(Spirit of Water), XX Aeon (Fire), VIII Adjustment(Libra), Princess of Swords(Earth of Air).
Pyramided on top of the 6-10 cards -
Influence 1, influence 2, influence 3, influence 4.
XVII The Star, XV The Devil, I The Magus, Knight of Cups(Libra-Scorpio).
Still working through this spread variant, It seems to me that ...
Home and will to live are my significator. A person covers me that is the Prince of Wands, of a fiery nature. Opportunity or enterprise currently cross me. Crowning is a Prince of Swords, a thought person, being up in the air in thought with force behind it..Perhaps writing for GCN and selling copies by Read My Article.
Beneath me is lust or my need for drama or being in the limelight. Nay, Before me Princess of Wands..a fiery but down to earth person. The querent is the Ace of Cups, the being to be in unity with as love sees us through all trials and temptations and fears. Environment, the fire to live by, judgements. Hopes are balance and equilibrium through cause and effect. Final outcome is Princess of Swords, an airy but down to earth person.
The influences - The Star, The Devil, The Magus,Knight of Cups, ToD Hangd Man, BoD Prince of Disks.
Still working on intuitive reading of this vs astro info and the combination. Still working on interpretation in micro and macro views.

New format - Mental Notes last.
Mental Notes: Depressed and anxious, yet determined to use planetary days to my benefit.
To Do -
Job search today. Have a job this week.
Food pantry today. Cook and eat food tomorrow.
Cart a load or two over tomorrow.
Sleep in apartment or on couch TBD.

On moving-
Haul art and supplies by cart. READY TO GO
Haul sentimental items by cart. READY TO GO
Haul magic supplies and tools by cart. Separate tonight and gather for tomorrow. READY TO GO
Haul clothes and shelf unit by car. Separate tonight and gather for Monday.
Haul paper and books by car. Monday?
Haul sensitive materials by car. Monday?
Haul liquor cabinet by car. Monday?

Friends/Family -
Work on Relationship building. Talking with sister atm.

Ritual Work -
Work on Thoth Tarot understanding today, memorize courts and minors astro signs.
Work on intuitive reading, seeing the bigger broader picture.
Work on the fourteen card Celtic Cross spread.
Work on Celtic/Gaelic Middle Pillar.
Do ritual work today.

Rituals to do:
Solar adorations, full circle to present period. DONE
Breathwork and Meditation. DONE
LBRP (Banish undesired meditation factor). DONE
Middle Pillar (Invoke desired meditation factor and shield it). DONE
LIRP/Invoking Four Powers of Earth. DONE
Attitude/Mental Alchemy/Mindfulness Meditation.
Get A Job/Secure Housing (Road Opener).
Grounding and Silence exercise. DONE
Repeat in Evening. DONE

Full Solar adorations/LotU adorations done, starting in South, at East did QC/LBRP(banishing thought of homelessness)/QC(visualizing apartment I live in). LotU adoration.

Combined art materials with sentimental items in cart. Hauling over there tomorrow. May also bag magic supplies and place on top of cart.
Searching for/applying for suitable jobs, following up with staffing agencies Monday morning after resume mail this weekend.
Cuddling with cat as adoption may come Monday or over weekend, need to follow up with Panda and get her advice.

Burnout, malnutrition, dehydration and or exhaustion, or a combo. Going with combo. Will have to ramp up on SL and B12 tomorrow for energy, and stay hydrated. Eat once at place. Near tumble down stairs struggling with empty cart was not something I want to repeat.

Practice math problems, perhaps work on prealgbra.c as the focus today, or randr.c test sets. Implement array of records or linked list and file IO. Practice astronomy, work on space simulator space travel.c as well today. Work on learning C++ and Python in process. Work on Digital Logic principles/fundamentals, especially karnaugh maps and truth table sets. Work on involving a HC11 or Lattice Micro 32 Processor.

Updated display_menu() in prealgbra.c to display only the choice followed by a newline, and passing control back to main() with &choice.
Too many errors to compile. Especially all non decimal number functions. Working on debugging this tonight.
Updated astroquiz.c to work within a while loop checking for eof i_handle (questions) and o_handle (answers), and a for loop installed.

Ate macaroni and cheese earlier to get carbohydrates in my system. Will take vitamins tomorrow. And hit food pantry.

After that will cart the sentimental photos and art supplies over in the card, as well as shoes. Need to learn a clothing and supplies balance until all moved out. So may haul some clothing back.
Need to talk with my roommate about the situation. Not into mixed signals when told buddies for life. Dont want to cramp her style nor have her cramp my style. But looking forward to doing magic together.

Reading Math and Astronomy, namely prealgebra and astronomy glossary.

Zelator Formula shortly.

Before interrupted by phone call ..
S: Liber Resh Vel Helios Adoration with Philosophus sign
W: Adoration to the Lord of the Universe
W: Liber Resh Vel Helios adoration with Practicus sign
W: Qabballistic Cross Ritual with good visualization.

Post automatically merged: Apr 15, 2023

Spoke with parents, speaking with roommate. Spoke with a few and tried to strengthen relationships between us.

Working on astronomy, going over glossary at the moment, and will work on astroquiz.c, an interactive quiz engine of terms, concepts, data and formulas.

Got on boarding material from a prospective employer. Have a temporary place to stay. Hopefully the two can intersect and set me ahead.

Will be reading Christopher, Lisiewski and Blamires tonight, commenting on the two book club posts.

Need to call some friends to get together with tomorrow.

Called friends and spoke with them. Getting together with friends to talk about an apartment, get some friskies and smoke down potentially.
Ate cooked spinach, kidney beans and raspberry vinegarette for dinner. Some left for tomorrow breakfast with grapefruit.


Another housing plan crapped out. A job asap it is for me.

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

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Saturday 4-15-2023 (8). Saturn. Black-Indigo. Sandalwood. 08:30 AM EST Detroit, MI USA. Mars-Sol Hour.

Sleep: Barely slept six hours.
Dreams: None recalled.
Diet: Poor, of course so am I.
Exercise: A lot. Im walking approximately 5-10 miles a day.
Stress: Through the roof.

Current Transits:

Sun

25°15’ Ari
Moon 23°22’ Aqu

Third Quarter Moon (298°06’)
Mercury 13°52’ Tau
Venus 4°59’ Gem
Mars 10°38’ Can

Jupiter

22°36’ Ari
Saturn 4°08’ Pis
Uranus 17°33’ Tau
Neptune 26°14’ Pis
Pluto 0°18’ Aqu
Node (M) 4°40’ Tau R
Node (T) 4°03’ Tau R
Lilith (M) 10°51’ Leo

Chiron

16°25’ Ari

Moon Phase: 3rd Quarter Moon Wanining in Aquarius.

Weather: 80's. Hot, sunny, humid.
Temperature: 79 °F

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Precipitation: 0%
Humidity: 39%
Wind: 19 mph

Mood: Low.

Physical Notes: Sore all over, worn out and dehydrated. Slept with kitty and enjoyed her catnip session. Have a lot of stuff still. Will see this week about getting cat to an adoption or humane society. Maybe work for the Humane Society by giving love to the animals.

Rituals: None today except for a guided meditation perhaps, and Neophyte and Zelator Formula (Fourfold breathing, adorations, visualizations, mantra beads, rituals).


Meditations: One path working and the point-line-cube. One mindfulness. Not done yet, but will do today.


Tarot Card for the Day-
XVII The Star. Heh, window, 5. 28th Path. Chokmah to Tiphareth.

New format - Mental Notes last.
Mental Notes: Depressed and anxious, yet determined to use planetary days to my benefit.
To Do -
Job search today. Have a job this week.
Food pantry today. Cook and eat food tomorrow.

On moving-
Haul art and supplies by car. READY TO GO
Haul sentimental items by car. READY TO GO
Haul magic supplies and tools by car. Separate tonight and gather. READY TO GO
Haul clothes and shelf unit by car. Separate tonight and gather. READY TO GO
Haul paper and books by car. READY TO GO
Haul sensitive materials by car.
Haul liquor cabinet by car.

Friends/Family -
Work on Relationship building.

Ritual Work -
Work on Thoth Tarot understanding today, memorize courts and minors astro signs.
Work on intuitive reading, seeing the bigger broader picture.
Work on the fourteen card Celtic Cross spread.
Work on Celtic/Gaelic Middle Pillar.
Do ritual work today.

Rituals to do:
Solar adorations, full circle to present period.
Breathwork and Meditation.
LBRP (Banish undesired meditation factor).
Middle Pillar (Invoke desired meditation factor and shield it).
LIRP/Invoking Four Powers of Earth.
Attitude/Mental Alchemy/Mindfulness Meditation.
Get A Job/Secure Housing (Road Opener).
Grounding and Silence exercise.
Repeat in Evening.

Post automatically merged: Apr 15, 2023

Saturday 4-15
Less than two weeks to be out of the apartment, and clean and toss unwanted stuff. Unless I treat it as an eviction, so they can deal with it.
All temp places have fallen through. No job. No money. No food. Water and shelter (temporary). Besides family and friends, thats what I have, and its appreciated.
Im not cut out for the streets. I will be murdered in the first night out in nowhere in the city.
So I need a job asap. If I have a seizure on the job I will deal with it then.
So now I have to rely on family and get used to nothing like a hiker would. Perhaps hop a train to Denver. Perhaps hitchhike.
Guess Im not a "magician" after all. And no armchair to rest my elbow on, such a pity. Otherwise, I would have no personal poverty despite my meditation and ritual on it out of Seven Occult Money Rituals or something. I have no zest, life, enthusiasm. Just blind emotion mostly.

Post automatically merged: Apr 15, 2023

Let's see .. a review of the last year:
Demonolatry practice
Shift to Angelic practice
Followed Kaballah, Magic and the Great Work of Self Transformation
Suicidal ideation and urges, planned, talked out of it.
Punched in the back of the head by some dude I interrupted a phone call with.
Confrontation with family of Blood gang membership
Starvation
Joblessness
Homelessness

All else a day late and a dollar short.

Fuck spirits and fuck any conception of "God".

Thats my mood like it or not. No longer practicing magic, since its a luxury.

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Caught come sleep, hugging my pillow in a corpse position face down. Was a tired puppy.

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Ive come to the conclusion God, angels, demons, and spirits are complete and utter bullshit. Its within, its all within until lost.

 

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Monday 4-17-2023. Luna. Grey/Silver/White. Jasmine. 11:30 Jupiter-Mars Hour.

Sleep: Slept some more. Slept with card of the day (Queen of Swords) and had an interesting dream of which no content can I recall, just knew I had.
Dreams: Some but no recall.

Diet: Poor. Need to hit the food pantry every day this week minus weekend of course.
Exercise: A lot. Im walking approximately 5-10 miles a day.
Stress: Through the roof.

Current Transits:

Sun

27°21’ Ari

Moon

24°07’ Pis

Balsamic Moon (326°46’)
Mercury 14°55’ Tau
Venus 7°28’ Gem
Mars 11°46’ Can

Jupiter

23°07’ Ari

Saturn 4°19’ Pis
Uranus 17°40’ Tau

Neptune 26°18’ Pis
Pluto 0°18’ Aqu
Node (M) 4°33’ Tau R
Node (T) 4°01’ Tau R
Lilith (M) 11°06’ Leo

Chiron

16°33’ Ari

Moon Phase: 4th Basalmic Quarter Moon Wanining in Pisces.
Weather:
Temperature: 39 °F

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Precipitation: 70%
Humidity: 65%
Wind: 19 mph

Mood: Low.

Physical Notes:
Jobs are key. Need 1k per month to get my stuff straight.

Rituals: Planning to do a guided meditation perhaps, and then Neophyte Formula and Zelator Formula (Including Fourfold breathing foot to groin, Solar adorations, visualizations, mantra beads, rituals).
Invocation of Thoth and Bornless Ritual recited every day while visualizing the ideal life for me. Daily. Twice daily like the LBRP.
Invocation of the Four Powers of Earth and invoking rituals daily according to mental capacity.

Meditations: One path working and the point-line-cube. One mindfulness. Not done yet, but will do today.

Tarot Card for the Day- XVIII The Moon, Malkuth to Netzach, Qoph, back of head, 100. Pisces. Organization. Hidden Enemies.

New format - Mental Notes last.
Mental Notes: Depressed and anxious, yet determined to use planetary days to my benefit.

To Do - Daily --
Midnight-Morning Adorations, David McGraw, Earl Nightingale pep talks, Invocation of Thoth, Bornless Ritual, Neophyte Formula.
Afternoon Adorations, Banishing Saturn LRH, Invoking Earth LRP, Invoking Luna LRH. Mundane work.
Evening-Midnight Adorations, David McGraw, Earl Nightingale pep talks, Invocation of Thoth, Bornless Ritual, Zelator Formula.

Did --
Full round cycle of Liber Resh Vel Helios adorations, starting and restarting in the South, grade signs in each quarter Done.
Neophyte Formula Done.

Listened to an audiobook by Theron Dumont on Focused Concentration. Will get back into daily listening to David McGraw and Earl Nightingale, and try to transform my attitude as my temper grows into that of a neutral base - neither negative nor positive. Logical.
Listened to Power Affirmations by David McGraw this morning.
Still have a lot to move, falling back on friends for housing. May have another city to work and live in, west of where Im at.
Will write an article today for the newspaper, check out a potential new apartment and get bearings on bus system.
Will hit food pantry and see about a loan for cat litter or adoption plans.
All I have to pay is electric and or cable for apartment im checking on via a friend (her apartment).
Rent being 700, 450 a week I should aim for. High end jobs only though, desk jobs.
West of this craphole of a city, into rural area. Might be potential to do magic there.

 

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Did solar adorations, adorations to the Lord of the Universe in East and West, and Neophyte Formula.
Got picked up by my friend, went to look at the place, and then came back, had lunch and got dropped off.
Went and looked at the place, it's straight, at least for my purposes. And a cat can come along. So Wed/Thursday is moving day.
Within walking distance to things and places. Quiet, friendly people. Little drama involved. Even have the key.
Friends, what a great thing, not for what I can give them, or what I can get out of them, but them being cool to just help me out.
So now its a matter of talking frankly with friends on the opportunity.
They may not be entirely pleased, but they know I have to do what is right for me in the end. At least I hope so.

Post automatically merged: Apr 17, 2023

I apparently took out yesterdays entry.
Not much to note as I slept most of the day, aside from a AM Neophyte Formula and a PM Neophyte Formula, and adorations.

Post automatically merged: Apr 17, 2023

Today reading Blamires (and taking notes)book on the Magic of the Celtic Otherworld, and reading Lisiewski's book on Israel Regardie and the Philosophers Stone.

Invocation of Thoth and Bornless Ritual time...
It makes me wonder, I wonder why of all the gods and goddesses within the Egypt pantheon/cosmology, that we have only three ceremonial rituals that invoke - Thoth, Horus, Isis. I should look for Egyptian invocations in my side readings and in Crowleys vast collection of writings.

Statues will be going with me, where I will try to enliven them with angels appropriate to the quarter.

 

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Tuesday 4-18-2023. Mars. Scarlet. Dragons Blood. 05:39 Luna-Saturn Hour.

Sleep: Slept some more. Slept with card of the day (Queen of Swords) and had an interesting dream of which no content can I recall, just knew I had.
Dreams: Dreampt that in everyday life, having a car was everything, Some but no full recall.

Diet: Poor. Need to hit the food pantry every day this week minus weekend of course.
Exercise: A lot. Im walking approximately 5-10 miles a day.
Stress: Through the roof.

Current Transits: Sol, Luna, Jupiter, Chiron in Aries. Nodes, Uranus, Mercury in Taurus.

Sun

28°06’ Ari

Moon

5°01’ Ari

Balsamic Moon (336°55’)
Mercury 15°10’ Tau
Venus 8°20’ Gem
Mars 12°10’ Can

Jupiter

23°18’ Ari
Saturn 4°23’ Pis
Uranus 17°42’ Tau
Neptune 26°20’ Pis
Pluto 0°19’ Aqu
Node (M) 4°30’ Tau R
Node (T) 4°01’ Tau R
Lilith (M) 11°11’ Leo

Chiron

16°35’ Ari

Moon Phase: Basalmic New Moon Wanining in Aries.
Weather: 49 °F

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Precipitation: 60%
Humidity: 48%
Wind: 18 mph

Mood: Low.

Physical Notes:
Jobs are key. Need 1k per month to get my stuff straight.

Rituals:
Neophyte Formula. Full cycle of solar adorations beginning and ending in East, adorations to Lord of the Universe. LIRP, MPR.
Listen to David McGraw and Earl Nightingale morning and evening.
Invocation on of Thoth and Bornless Ritual recited every day while visualizing the ideal life for me. Daily. Twice daily like the LBRP.
Invocation of the Four Powers of Earth and invoking rituals daily according to mental capacity.

Meditations: One path working and the point-line-cube. One mindfulness. Not done yet, but will do today.

Tarot Card for the Day- V The Hierophant. Taurus. Sound/Hearing. Chesed to Chokmah.

New format - Mental Notes last.
Mental Notes:
Depressed and anxious, yet determined to use planetary days to my benefit.

Went through caffeine withdrawal and still am, as the headache grew, so did the pain from smacking my head on the ground from several seizures a couple weeks ago. Down to a dollar. Really considering going to Virginia for a Christian shelter or to Salt Lake City for PRS/C.

Hit the food pantry and got a full backpack of canned goods, Mac and cheese, date pieces, raisins, and pork patties.

Talked with my friends, who were not super pleased, one wanted companionship and a little money, and one wants almost as much money as what I pay here. The winner was the one for just pay utilities and be out of the environment Im in now.

Tried a path working last night - went into a forest, and found a black haired woman, and said "this must be a Godly camp, so I shall call this place Machanayim". She introduced herself as Auriel.

Hit food pantry. Amazing how I read nutrition labels now for info regarding vitamins, protein, carbs etc. Food issue solved.

Called friends and let them down gently. Moving my stuff in this week. Relationships. May not be perfect but workable.
Going to get involved somehow to try to get a homelessness solution. Writing articles for their paper may be a great start.

Mac n cheese and baked beans, seems a winning combo to cook. Baked beans won the first round.

Another situation handled to the best of my ability. Mental note - keep doctor appointments. Especially Neurology doctors appointments.

 

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Wednesday 4-19-2023 (23=5, Mediation). Mercury. Orange. Storax. 13:25.


Sleep: Barely slept six hours, missed first alarm but luckily awoke to second alarm and got up and on my way to my appointments.

Dreams: None recalled.

Diet: After the food pantry visit has baked beans, and later yesterday Mac n Cheese. Also a can of applesauce. Today nothing yet..except for
instant coffee. Likely canned fruit or veggies are a possible brunch. MnC for dinner. Which drives me to visit the food pantry tomorrow.

Exercise: A lot.

Stress: Through the roof.

Current Transits: Not relevant. Most are in Aries or Taurus or Pisces however.

Moon Phase: Not relevant, but Basalmic new moon. Some sort of eclipse this April.

Weather: This is Michigan, therefore not relevant.

Mood: Six feet under.

Physical Notes: Sore all over, worn out and dehydrated. Giving up cannabis. Even CBD. Sneezing bloody mucous and dry coughing bloody phlegm, runny nose yet clear. Perhaps no smoking would be a great future idea and work on anti COPD symptoms now. Or maybe much like my rubbery legs, that my lifespan is nearing expiration.
(would be Mental Notes before physical but are now at the tail of the days journal)

Rituals: None today except for a guided meditation perhaps.

Meditations: One path working and the point-line-cube. One mindfulness. Not done yet, but will do tonight. Will meditate on a beatitude or two.

New format - Mental Notes last. Mental Notes:
Rededicated life to Christ yesterday. Supposed to stay away from here, but Jesus went everywhere and communed with the low of society.
Not saying we are the low of society, but I am to serve others. As an anthropologist and creative type, I am not burning my notebooks or books as part of the rededication. I view it as perverted as Nazis did as well as Nazis perverting the original Swastika symbol and meaning. As far as my wand and shit, have at, lets have a bonfire. But reintroduce ignorance in any other form? No thanks. Plus Im Celtic and I will not destroy anything rambling my heritage. Despite a church thought form. To fear the devil and refuse God by not trusting God, is a win for Satan. Born a Leo moon, Libra Sun (in twelfth house), and a Scorpio ascendant with Neptune in my first house, what is a brother to do except be a wizard puffing on his pipe? Fair. dramatic, and secretive (in some ways). Used all silver coin in my collection to buy two packs of instant coffee packets (have not had coffee for four days before today), and two cans of wet food for Pandora. May check in from time to time, but due to rededication, must refrain from occult activity. Including congratulating demodulators for their work, as it furthers the other kingdom. But not burning my stuff, Id rather give it/them to a fellow magician. Not burning my books nor tarot decks, as tarot is an art and of artistic value.
Why am I here? To help others come to Christ without being irritating or obnoxious (perhaps too late on both of these two).


Tarot Card of the Day -- III The Empresss. Venus. Creative Power. Binah to Chokmah. 14th Sepher Yetzirah Path - "The Fourteenth Path is the Illuminating Intelligence, and is so called because it is itself that CHASHMAL which is the founder of the concealed and fundamental ideas of holiness and of their stages of preparation."

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Perhaps this is my path within Christianity, or the Druids without.


A Celtic Cross Spread to prove the point -
Card of the Day=Significator - III The Empress. Binah to Chokmah. Venus. Creative Imagination/Power. Netzach.
Covers - King of Wands (Fire of Fire). Scorpio-Sagittarius. Chokmah of Atziluth. Archetype.
Crosses - XV The Devil. Satan or Materialism. Capricorn. Tiphareth to Hod.
Crowns - Knight of Pentacles. Tiphareth of Assiah. Aries-Taurus. (Air of Earth).
Beneath - XI Justice. Libra. Tiphareth to Geburah. Action-Work.
Behind - King of Swords. Chokmah of Yetzirah. (Fire of Air). Astro info unknown.
Before - XIX The Sun. Sol. Yesod to Hod. Regeneration.
Querent - Page of Pentacles. (Earth of Earth). Aries-Gemini. Malkuth of Assiah.
Environment - Page of Wands. Malkuth of Atziluth. Cancer-Virgo. (Earth of Fire).
Hopes-Fears - XII Hanged Man. Hod-Geburah. Elemental Water. Reversal.
Final Outcome - 0 The Fool. Chokmah-Kether. Elemental Air. No-Thing.
ToD - Queen of Wands. Pisces-Aries. (Water of Fire). Binah of Atziluth.
BoD - VII The Chariot. Geburah-Binah. Cancer. Will.
Intuitive interpretation - A peaceful and creative person, I have the Ruler of Fire, Fire of Fire, A Slow lava flow after a spectacular explosion.
That fire, the source of life by representation of the Fire sub quadrant, is crossed by XV The Devil (punishment, slavery, materialism, falsehood, illusion). This peace and zest for living and creation is crossed by material falsehood. The Knight of Pentacles, Air of Earth, business ideas - that crowns me.
This trio represents to me creativity and business ideas and fuel for the fire to succeed is thwarted by materialism. I cannot get my businesses up and off the ground.
What is beneath me is Justice, social activism and justice by experience leaves a bad taste in my mouth so to speak. What is behind me is the Fire of Air, King of Swords. What is before me is XIX The Sun.
This trio represents to me that social justice and activism is a backseat/back burner now, with court details ahead of me, and then I can heal and renew my life.
The third trio - Page of Pentacles, Page of Wands, and the Hanged Man (XII), these present to me a battle of two stewards, one of earth and one of fire. Water or reversal is the way to drown or redirect fiery attacks. Earth and Fire pair but conflict resulting in Water.
The final outcome is The Fool (0), the No-Thing, the Holy Spirit.
All shall be well.


Tomorrow - Pharmacy, Food Pantry, then prepare for moving. The final pickup would be Pandora who is coming with me and the bedding. So I will need to gather all materials for her, possibly asking for a loan from friends for cat litter and wet food/party mix. This may take a couple moves, and then cleanup. Willing to take another hit on rent and late fee to make sure Im fully moved out, and the place is clean for the next renter or for SD back to my roommate. Gotta say thats a huge goal that may fall short. Not his or my or the former tenants fault, contributors sure, but I know as a tenant and as an apartment painter, painting and recarpeting are necessary by law. Therefore they have nothing to do with security deposit. After that sleep after a preliminary job search to be found Friday. May need a bicycle after all. Or perhaps thats a bad idea for rubbery legs.

Friday - Settle in and job search, hit up social worker/case manager for state aid and bridge card so food can be bought and not starve to death.


Interesting layout vs traditional CCS layout -
.....S
C..C..C
B..B..B
Q..E..H
.....F

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Why do I include things or categories such as sleep, exercise, diet, mood? Because of physical and mental health. Spiritually, we are what we eat, our mood is our attitude, exercise is crucial in general for health, and sleep should lead to dreams. Likewise, weather affects mood and health.

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Called my Bishop and spoke with him.
Scriptures to memorize:
Rom 12:1-3
Isa 54:17
Rom 10:17
Lk 1-:25
Dan 5 (whole chapter)
Points on the freshly swept house, the Good Samaritan, the steward and talents.
The reason why Im here is not only am I interested in the esoteric, I am a Christian here ready to serve in any capacity I may be able to do.
Therefore, I am not reentering the Occult, but will be here to field questions and lead others to Light and Love and Life. Whom I seek.


IOW, Im here on the down-low.


We also discussed my willingness and unwillingness to change, to conform my mind, to recover my mind, to speak the word over my mind spirit and body. Also talked about charter, reputation and work ethic. Time, space and heights. Lots to read on and think about to a point of writing on it.


I cannot stay away form this site, its like Im an addict.
So I created two new posts, hopefully to make others think about their magic.

I found today an old copy of "The Upper Room", Mar-Apr 2017, and that day in 2017 is the same day and date as today.
My lesson from this:
"Someone Prayed For Me"
Jn 17:20 NIV 'Jesus spoke to his Father. "My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message"'.
Thought for the Day: "My prayers can make a difference in others' lives."

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My Kindle Cloud contains:
The 72 Angels of Magick
360 Angels of Power
Magical Riches
The Magical Jobseeker
The Greater Words of Power
Words of Power
Magical Destiny
Demons of Magick
Goetia Pathworking
Lucifer and the Hidden Demons

If I can be of help to anyone, I think I can loan one out for a week or two, unless they changed that within the past six years.

Post automatically merged: Apr 20, 2023

More videos on a personal relationship (with God).....one here and several to come. Relationships are also on Maslows Pyramid of Human Needs...

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Post automatically merged: Apr 20, 2023

 

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Thursday 4-20-2023 (=24+7=31=4 - Order, Sight). Jupiter. Royal Blue, Cedar. 08:16. EST USA


Sleep: Slept well once asleep. Awoke shortly before 8am.

Dreams: No dreams recalled.

Diet: Coffee and PBC Energy bar.

Exercise: A lot.

Stress: Through the roof.

Current Transits: Not relevant.

Moon Phase: Not relevant.

Weather: This is Michigan, therefore not relevant.

Mood: Six feet under.

Physical Notes: Sore lower back, knees, dyskinesia/tremors symptoms. Restless legs.
(would be Mental Notes before physical but are now at the tail of the days journal)

Rituals: None today except for a guided meditation perhaps.

Meditations: One path working and the point-line-cube. One mindfulness. Not done yet, but will do tonight. Will meditate on a beatitude or two.

New format - Mental Notes last. Mental Notes:

Morning listening:

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Food pantry and Pharmacy today, prepare for and then off to move to new spot.
Failure on this so far. Slow moving day.

Looking at FB, noticed a couple posts on Foraging for Wild Plants and Mushrooms, on Dendelions. I was once eating at a Mediterranean shop and had Dandelion Salad with my meal. It tasted horrid. Too bitter for this caffiene addict. Yet, supposedly you can make Dandelion bread and Honey from Dandelions. I take it the bulb is the sweet spot. And Dandelions grow via the seed in the wind. Im betting the early bulbs make the honey well.

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"The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath you are the everlasting arms." Dt. 33:27

Billy Graham, Tony Evans, Derek Prince, DR Charles Stanley, these are media preachers I listen to in addition to David McGraw and Earl Nightingale/Napolean Hill. I also like the ideas of Christian Science, particularly Mary Baker-Eddy.
Blue Letter Bible and Bible Gateway are two apps Ive used.
Derek Prince on the Holy Spirit:

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I always wanted to be a healer, and found evidence on PG, through psalms and prayer, as well as Pauline letters.

About ready to move. Almost everything bagged or boxed up. May need to make a couple trips as Pandora is a teammate as well.
Not out of the County, but out of the city by Southwest of Ann Arbor (Saline). One step closer West of Washtenaw County.
So glad to get out of this hellhole. Funny how one sees their true friends in life, online or in real waking world locale.

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Anew friend of a friend and a larger car, to make the move easier. Corralling a cat however might take some time.
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All moved in with what I could haul.
All that's been done is done. Time to rest.
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Elohim, plural for God, ha Shem, the Holy One, made man in his own image.
David had his ups and downs.
Solomon had his ups and downs.
We all have our ups and downs.
Even God has a UPS and downs, but, he can transcend them.
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Well, not the best but not the worst.
Windows boarded up due to storm damage on windows, glass still on patio from a tree breaking the outer layer of glass. I'm taking this as a hotel stay for a minute until a solid plan can be formed.
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After a LBRP felt much better. Enochian or a dark presence was felt here.

Post automatically merged: Apr 21, 2023

My ex roommate is not happy, but I frank with him. I'm not trying to screw him out of 15k for back rent.
He would be good in collections actually.

Post automatically merged: Apr 21, 2023

Pandora came out of hiding (smelled previous cats here) a couple times and got some pets from me.
Points to think on.

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Post automatically merged: Apr 21, 2023

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Friday 4/21/2023 (4+3+7=14=5). 09:30
Venus. Emerald Green. Lavender.

Sleep: Once asleep slept well.
Dreams: None recalled.

Notes:
Got up, made scrambled eggs for breakfast, found pop tarts and Oreos.
Pandora came out of hiding and joined me on the bed.
Need to bathe and dress soon as I need to find a job.

Post automatically merged: Apr 21, 2023

Rest first, job second as I just had a petit mal seizure .. rest indeed.

 

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Saturday 4-22-2023 10:00 am. Saturn.
Sandalwood. Black-Indigo.
Sleep - slept well
Dreams - none recalled
Mood - Fair
Transits -
Sol entering Taurus
Moon phase - Waxing
Weather - cold
Physical Notes -
Another petit mal seizure occurred.
Ate breakfast (scrambled eggs).
Rituals - None
Meditations - none yet
Mental Notes....
Tooany to list.

Post automatically merged: Apr 23, 2023

Slept most of the days when seizures occurred in waking hours.
Did take a shower earlier.
Had some soup and other stuff to eat past eggs for breakfast.
Did a tarot reading but got nada from it.
Lost all desire or motivation. I don't think people realize or remember the amount of energy life upheavals take from you, and the amount of trauma throughout life in summation.
Anyway, need to get medication on Monday. Need it today actually, but Monday tops.
Need to realize the past is past.

Post automatically merged: Apr 23, 2023

No practical work done today.

Post automatically merged: Apr 23, 2023

We can call this, as most of my life, a failed experiment.
No more magic, no more occult for this guy, enemies or not. They (enemies) killed the enjoyment of magic and life.

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

Noticed with lack of nicotine, get less light headed. Picked up prescriptions.
Got loaner for food and got food and instant coffee. Feel like a human again slightly.
Pathworkings will be form of magic, Celtic style. Need to find a desk job somewhere.

Post automatically merged: Apr 24, 2023

Sundays studies - Mathematics
Mondays studies - Organic Chem, Lab
Tuesdays studies - Geology/Mineralogy
In addition - Candle magick, alchemy, geomancy.
In addition - Bible study, church study notes.

Today's work besides pathworkings and meditation.

Post automatically merged: Apr 24, 2023

Prayed, lit the fire in the stomach doing so.
Inflame myself with prayer. Okie dokie, wish I'd kept my kneepads I got for Geology fieldwork/tailing sample splitting.

 

[Lemongrass00]

If I were in your shoes, I’d ditch the reading and only focus on Bible study and the ability to meditate properly for up to 30 minutes comfortably.

do as you desire though

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

If I were in your shoes, I’d ditch the reading and only focus on Bible study and the ability to meditate properly for up to 30 minutes comfortably.

do as you desire though

Very good advice. Not because the fact I don't really get geeked up on math and chemistry (Geology sure), but priorities.

Post automatically merged: Apr 25, 2023

What I sow, I reap.
What cause I stir throws the effect on me.
I take responsibility for all conditions of my life, through choices I've made throughout my life

That said, some things are simply out of our natural circle of control.

Therefore, per Damien Echols video I was recommended to watch, hit it on the head. Elemental work not done or not done correctly or mistakenly used has cause and effect on a personal level.

So, daily - in morning invoke earth.
Of course this is possibly another disaster, another failure.
Perhaps stick to Damien Echols advice by watching the video again and again .. until I get it.

If it is another personal failure, then that's all she wrote for me. Why would I continue failing in magic? I have enough personal failures of my own making, don't need to make them more exponential.

So...Christian Science bulletins, Bible, and basic life principles. That should get me started on studying the Bible, or use the one year reading plan.

Jobwise, a desk job search within walking distance for me continues.
Aside from that lofty dream... A job, within walking distance.

Housing .. nothing new under the sun, still homeless with temporary shelter.

Education I guess is not meant to be for me anymore. Nor wealth nor health. All my own doing through poor life choices.

Post automatically merged: Apr 25, 2023

##############################

Tuesday, 4-25-2023 - Mars. Scarlet. Dragons Blood. Madim.
Sleep - Slept well after doubling my nighttime meds.
Dreams - None recalled.
Mood - Low.
Stress - high.
Exercise - Little.
Diet - With money and groceries, better.
Current transits -

Sun

5°01’ Tau
Moon 8°33’ Can
Crescent Moon (63°31’)

Mercury

14°50’ Tau R
Venus 16°27’ Gem
Mars 15°59’ Can
Jupiter 25°01’ Ari
Saturn 4°59’ Pis

Uranus

18°06’ Tau
Neptune 26°33’ Pis
Pluto 0°21’ Aqu

Node (M)

4°08’ Tau R

Node (T)

4°00’ Tau R
Lilith (M) 11°58’ Leo
Chiron 17°00’ Ari

Moon phase -

Weather -

Meditations - John 1:1-1:18
Rituals - LIRP Earth. Neophyte Formula.
Physical Notes -

Mental Notes -

Post automatically merged: Apr 25, 2023

Mental note - Was Enoch an angel or Christ?

Post automatically merged: Apr 25, 2023

Studying the Gospel of John - Chapter one, and his three letters. I could go on to include revelation, but that is very thought intensive a book, much like the Gospel is as well.

Post automatically merged: Apr 25, 2023

There appears to be a strong relation or ratio of my practicing magic to bad experiences occurring in my life.
So, this past week has been a week, may, a month practically of zero magick.
I simply cannot afford a continual lifetime of crap.
Even a felon can be released and start a new life. Even a felon can be forgiven by all. As long as the felon keeps their nose clean.

Post automatically merged: Apr 25, 2023

If I've wronged anyone, when they cease to threaten me in any way shape or form, then perhaps I will humbly and sincerely apologize.
I even had a possible deal worked out to atone for it. But playing with a shovel violently and standing there watching me move out...was one step more toward no atoning. You want an impasse, then enjoy your piece of one of many ghettos in that county.

Post automatically merged: Apr 25, 2023

Tearing down strongholds...my project for a year until I can get therapy.

Post automatically merged: Apr 25, 2023

I am what they think I am...
Irresponsible.
Criminal.
Lazy.
Fearful.
Failure.
Ignorant.
Charlatan.

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Dear reader, I have quit all magic.

I hope this finally sets your mind and heart at ease, regarding magick and I.
Btw, this is meant for the ones who want to see me fall or fail in any way.

Yes. I quit magic because of your crap, my inability to grasp any of it, and repeated failure in all areas of my life.

You see, nobody likes a loser, especially me, and that was what I became by poor choices in life, snowballing into an avalanche of feces.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Post automatically merged: Apr 26, 2023

Anyway, tried one last technique recommended to me.
Going to apply for local jobs online as I'm not neurologically well today.
Grateful for the housing I have.

Reading books on meditation and getting past creative blocks in the mind, JC affirmations, and Celtic pathworkings:
Chodron - Taming the Mind
Pressfield - The War of Art: Break through the Blocks and Win your Inner Creative Battles
Rivas - Candle Burning Magic
Forest - Wild Magic

Post automatically merged: Apr 26, 2023

Indeed sucks, indeed it does.

Post automatically merged: Apr 26, 2023

However, walked literally up the street to a dispensary to see if they were hiring for a reception position and to get an eighth. Got a free quarter, free lighter, and a couple free medibles. So, know to call by end of week to find out how to send a resume to them.
That's just one store. And there is a larger mall up the street.
General Reading - Thoth deck
Split Hexagram Spread (Modern Magick chapter 1)
Greater Spiritual Influence - III Empress
Lesser Spiritual Influence - I Magus
Spiritual Advice - VI Lovers
Final Outcome - XIV Art
Practical Advice - XXI Universe
Unconscious Desires - X Fortune
Conscious Desires - XIX Sun
Top of Deck XVII Star
Bottom of Deck IV Emperor

This is astrology related, two m8ssing planets are Mars and Luna.
Top water triangle is Empress (Venus - Taurus, Libra, odd association with Saturn), Magus (Mercury - Gemini), and at apex Lovers (Gemini).
Bring the sword.
Final Outcome is Art (Sagittarius).
Be ye transformed..buy gold and silver from me..
Now for the lower fire triangle the apex is Universe (Saturn - Capricorn, Aquarius, Gemini). Prepare for July perhaps.
Bring the cross.
Sun and Fortune - Sol (Leo) and Jupiter (Sagittarius). We all want wealth and health.
Find love and work love agape magic through a Saturn to Sol direction.
Perhaps construct a Jupiter talisman and consecrate it in sol day and Jupiter hour or vice versa. Alchemy.

Post automatically merged: Apr 26, 2023

Read two chapters of taming the mind which was basically a summary of the four noble truths and eightfold path. Reading War of Art first chapter now.
Feel reading was spiritual based on the Kircher tree or whichever model has Emperor and Constituting Intelligence on tzaddi. Become a true worshipper - Sword and Cross, Zayin and Tav.

Post automatically merged: Apr 27, 2023

Been in high depression but much better atm.

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

#@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Thursday - Jupiter - Blue.

Sleeping well, perpetual concerns of me found where I'm at but no dreams.

Not as much exercise but may is three k pushups challenge month. We might see above 300 but less than a k a day.

Diet is horrid due to financial straits.

Tarot Card of the day - XIV Art. Sagittarius. Alchemy, Yesod to Tiphareth.
Five card spread
Middle left - Past - XIV Art
Upper - Present - XI Lust
Middle right - Future - VI Lovers
Bottom - Problem - III Empress
Center - Solution - XXI Universe
Top of Deck XIX Sun
Bottom of Deck IX Hermit
Trying to strive to mix certain parts to a whole, seeking self and beast united, marriage in future. Love is the problem, the world the solution.

Almost fainted before eating baked beans for breakfast and doing spread, low in protein or minerals I guess.
Online apps will be done today.
Need to find a way to an appointments next week.

Reading for the night - War of Art and Wild Magic. First book is on removing subliminal blocks, the latter on pathworkings. Still reading Christopher the Bible and Blamires, among the others.

Meditation
It's all cycles, tides and seasons, in each element. Three minutes.

 

[Lemongrass00]

Concentrate all your efforts to remember your dreams, this success no matter how trivial will signal to your subconscious and set it up to succeed in the future with your endeavors.

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

Was on a game show of sorts and a vampire was the host. All I could remember.

Today...get on job applications, get on transportation, get on groceries, get on grooming, get on laundry.

Split deck into BOTAs Universal Tableau Arrangement. Looking at trio of 1,8,15; and see another Saturn square in there...
1,2,3,
2,3,4
3,4,5
4,5,6
5,6,7 trios. Five squares of nine.

Dealt series 1..3, and that diagonals are an additional value of one, so not perfect subplateaus, columns add up ones and rows by sevens.

Was successful at three minutes breathing and mindfulness meditation, will extend to five. Work up to thirty minutes quickly. Get on bible study. Record dreams in offline journal. Get on NLP and TM.

Tarot realization...
Starting with the three magi (1,5,9; as multiples of four), continue as the series of magi by four: 1,5,9,13,17,21 (and 0).

My post "Ritual: Get A Job" spell might come in handy. Or a NLP only version.
Thinking about roomies I owe money to.
No choice but to work full time right now. 100 per day needed.
Maybe I made a mistake, but maybe I did the right thing for me.

Post automatically merged: Apr 28, 2023

Going to try a couple a day, day in day out.
Will do day three triangle recitation. Will also use Sacred Chamber exercise.

 

[Lemongrass00]

Was on a game show of sorts and a vampire was the host. All I could remember.

Today...get on job applications, get on transportation, get on groceries, get on grooming, get on laundry.

Split deck into BOTAs Universal Tableau Arrangement. Looking at trio of 1,8,15; and see another Saturn square in there...
1,2,3,
2,3,4
3,4,5
4,5,6
5,6,7 trios. Five squares of nine.

Dealt series 1..3, and that diagonals are an additional value of one, so not perfect subplateaus, columns add up ones and rows by sevens.

Was successful at three minutes breathing and mindfulness meditation, will extend to five. Work up to thirty minutes quickly. Get on bible study. Record dreams in offline journal. Get on NLP and TM.

Tarot realization...
Starting with the three magi (1,5,9; as multiples of four), continue as the series of magi by four: 1,5,9,13,17,21 (and 0).

My post "Ritual: Get A Job" spell might come in handy. Or a NLP only version.
Thinking about roomies I owe money to.
No choice but to work full time right now. 100 per day needed.
Maybe I made a mistake, but maybe I did the right thing for me.

Post automatically merged: Apr 28, 2023

Going to try a couple a day, day in day out.
Will do day three triangle recitation. Will also use Sacred Chamber exercise.

Excellent start my friend