Journal Just some nonsense rambling

[Vandheer]

I appreciate that you guys make me feel welcome.


I could use a bit of humbleness, and if anything, I am humbled after all of this.


But fuck changing my name and all of that, that won't change my past, nor I am running away from it no more.


I regret the promises I couldn't keep, and best thing would be right now is develop myself enough to keep a promise. To myself first, and then everyone else. Right now, I am weak, but accepting this is a headstart in and of itself.



It has been a month since I did anything yet my left arm still has that goosebump giving energy. Its a constant thing in my life now. That Zhan Zhuang practice permanently changed my energy, no doubt that. I should contiune this, one day I am sure I will be able to zap people.


I don’t know why I am still writing. I both want to and don’t want to. Ah, nothing like fresh depression.

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

I appreciate that you guys make me feel welcome.


I could use a bit of humbleness, and if anything, I am humbled after all of this.


But fuck changing my name and all of that, that won't change my past, nor I am running away from it no more.


I regret the promises I couldn't keep, and best thing would be right now is develop myself enough to keep a promise. To myself first, and then everyone else. Right now, I am weak, but accepting this is a headstart in and of itself.



It has been a month since I did anything yet my left arm still has that goosebump giving energy. Its a constant thing in my life now. That Zhan Zhuang practice permanently changed my energy, no doubt that. I should contiune this, one day I am sure I will be able to zap people.


I don’t know why I am still writing. I both want to and don’t want to. Ah, nothing like fresh depression.

Fwiw .... Sorry I went off on you in the past. I still respect you, and look forward to talking with each other across decades from now.

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

I do respect you and your occult work by the way. You, Mulberry, Norse and MikeB were my favorite reads among a few others on BALG. Will keep an eye on your journal entries. And will try to keep from spamming.
The only reason I jumped on you in the past, as well as others, was because of my insecurities and ignorance.
So you're not the only one who has been humbled, but it's a good trait to encounter.
I will try to help you and others in any way I can, including not being an insecure asshole.

 

[Vandheer]

I do respect you and your occult work by the way. You, Mulberry, Norse and MikeB were my favorite reads among a few others on BALG. Will keep an eye on your journal entries. And will try to keep from spamming.
The only reason I jumped on you in the past, as well as others, was because of my insecurities and ignorance.
So you're not the only one who has been humbled, but it's a good trait to encounter.
I will try to help you and others in any way I can, including not being an insecure asshole.

I appreciate it. If you only took my advices as serious advices and not 'critising you', we wouldn't have gotten so much bad blood. Though these days I don't have no energy for anything such as bad bloods, you are good

 

[8Lou1]

Can i ask whats up with your left arm. I have a tendency to develop ghost pains when spirits need me to do stuff and my left arm has been one of them. It even came with a scots war. Cant remember which tribes were involved, other then a voice saying not the brittons. The ruler of one of the tribes lost his arm during war and then they warred over the arm, cause only that arm held the sword of power.

 

[Öwnchef]

Use ghost syringes against ghost pain. Works miracles.

 

[Silsebyl]

I am really good at being weak, having suffered from chronicle fatigue syndrom for years.

It's hard. Yet life goes on and there will be times where you will gain new strength!

 

[8Lou1]

Yeah i wish, the machinery didnt approve. But we have two williams now. 1 is king to come and needs to surpass his dad, kill the queen, take out her bones, throw them over his stepmum, trusting his wife will be on the down low so he can robe her as his queen. the other is already king, but with a daughter who will be queenking one day and who will fulfill her days of squire in wales, where she will hunt for the power of the goddessqueen of the british isles and take her home to hell/holland. So i threw her a bone: the arm of power..

 

[8Lou1]

@Silsebyl: it seems to be the so called disease these days when you like helping in an other place then 3d.

 

[Silsebyl]

@8Lou1 , I don't quite get what you mean.

I wasn't ill because I helped others, but because I was in deep shit myself.

 

[8Lou1]

hehehe what i learned in spiritual warfare is that you only use verbs. makes life easier. in this case helping is helping. i got freakin scared of loving outside my family and had to relearn loving is loving. strangely enough when you do it like that, you meet the most beautiful creatures ive ever felt. thank you

 

[Öwnchef]

hehehe what i learned in spiritual warfare is that you only use verbs. makes life easier. in this case helping is helping. i got freakin scared of loving outside my family and had to relearn loving is loving. strangely enough when you do it like that, you meet the most beautiful creatures ive ever felt. thank you

The Jews topped this by using only consonants. Grmblfz, tph chrlk!

 

[8Lou1]

i used to have a speechless spirit as my call to faith, so often i go without voice. i think others call it drowning, but as i told them back then i have gills.

 

[Vandheer]

What in the blue moon is going on here

Can i ask whats up with your left arm

I have been doing this Zhan Zhuang/standing qigong practice which gave me this weird energetical symptom where I involuntarily feel my arm beyond its physical limit. It manifests as a goosebump in my physical body but clearly does extend beyond. This isn't only limited to my left arm but its most dominant there. Its not a phantom pain, the feeling is pretty cool actually. Even when I am typing this, I feel it.


Something similar to this was happening to me when I would do prayanama. But this would come with immense pain because of an overflow of blood in my arm, and my arm would look and feel swole as if I worked out. I never worked out, but I got some comments that my arms grew a little, I never figured out ehy this happened.


These two things are somehow related, I don’t know how.

 

[8Lou1]

well i dont know the terms but i can tell you what i feel. you used to be in my belly as a baby cutting, hurting me with your gift and i protected you against the world with my body. you grew you forgot, you found a game online that remembered you of you and fell in love with the occult listened to a call for new members and found wf. here we talk and we cut the cord while both getting born you as a man me as a new mum. isnt it trange. thats for me watching allah create tru us. thats what i love.

 

[Vandheer]

This is the bottom of the well. But I can’t stay here. I have to climb back, doesn’t matter if my nails get ripped in the process.

I could survive in the bottom, but surviving isn’t living, I have to get back up. I need to do it now, while sun is still up.

I am having success in this sobriety journey. Some days are fucking hard. Today I felt like I got possessed for real, as if something else controlled my hands. I won't give in anymore, I have already wasted enough years. I will overcome it before this one ends.

 

[Vandheer]

Alright, day 1 is done.

One of the strangest days of this year, also one I could have been injured or worse. A storm washed over the town out of blue and my phone could have exploded on my face.


Ex has been paranoid lately and is thinking if she was under attack. Jeez, maybe she is right, we may be under attack.

 

[Vandheer]

A blast from the past. Its kind of welcome, I guess. But some things I have to accept now. I am being naive.

Second day of sobriety, we are going good.

I am feeling ready somewhat to start getting back to practicing, though no promises on that.

 

[Vandheer]

I have had pain in my leg that didn't go away all day yesterday, until I touched my foot. The entire pain gathered itself around the spot I touched and then it started to leave my body.

I am a very skilled healer. I can shut off even tooth pain from time to time, healed myself from a lot if shit, even reflux. I pulled off migraine from someone who lived 7 hour difference away. There is more, but no need to boast about this.

I naturally thought my skills would diminish after being inactive for so long, but I still have it, it appears.

Which bore the question, what if I applied the same thing in my brain? Could I really get rid of addictions? So I touched my forehead. My brain was filled with energy, then it started going down on my spine, eventually effecting my whole body.

I am hopeful this may work. But, the psychological aspect is neglected here. I can do something about that.

 

[Vandheer]

Pull all of that stunt and you thought you would get away, have a nice life, right?

You would just have it your way just like you had it all the time, right? You couldn't be said no, right?

What happened? Whats wrong, your patrons couldn't protect you from me? Where is your so precious Melek Tawus? Metatron? Leviathan?

Whats wrong?

I came to your safe haven, threatened you in front of your online friends, taunted your irl friends, yet you still can't do shit about it can you? Pussy. Putting on a high and mighty mask, while we know you are nothing more than an addict with a daydreaming fetish. The hell with you and your pathworkings. You don't know of real power.


Don't worry, I am done with you, believe or not. You are scarred for good, without me seriously doing something. Go put on your mask and dilly dally with those stupid friends of yours, I know you are living in fear. But I won't show up, like I said.


I am done with this.