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- Sep 9, 2021
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Tuesdays events:
Power supply for computer is dead.
Overslept.
Made it to work an hour early and still barely got the food out there before service time.
Found out most people I know at my only workplace are putting in their two week notice, including managers. One has his last day tomorrow.
Replaced food a couple times and finished work.
As Im leaving, the front desk coworker walks outside briskly. I come out to go grab my bus, to find her next to the door sobbing and hyperventilating. I reassured her i wasn't going anywhere with leaving her in that state. I sat next to her silently and exercised patience and heart flame for some reason. She started gasping for air. I put my hand lightly on her shoulder and transferred hf energy. She finally blew air out and breathed a couple times. With hyperventilation ceased.
Today was her ex-fiancee's birthday andfound out he died in the line of service in Afghanistan due to an IED.
I told her my cousins two ton truck hit one of those. Causing her to be bounced out of the truck and got a TBI. My compassion and empathy reached her and she calmed down. I had already missed my bus and took off to walk home.
I reached the dreaded highway stretch. I already measured the distance by number of seconds to cross. I fell at zero halfway and fear started to try to get me to freeze and fall. This is why I'm a stickler for the bus, since it spares me the fearful 0tocess of crossing it. I broke out into a Sprint a second time out of necessity to cross it. Barely making it I bounced to a stop three or four times before my shaking legs forced me to sit next to the forest. I took strength from the grass and soil and continued 9n my way.
I came home to see yet another eviction, someone's stuff out in the curb. Vultures had already picked through it taking "free stuff" .. I said this was fucked up to someone picking out goodies .. nearly one every six months. I told him this place is eviction happy. He said that's right, going on about his way home.
Finally got home. Fed the kitty. Texted a few people.
While I was crossing the bridge, the same bridge in my youth, an epiphany cake to me about my fears.
For starters, ten years ago, I attempted suicide by waiting for a semi truck barreling down the highway to hit me dead. When I jumped I got blown or pulled back. Or pussed out. Latter 8s more likely.
Not only that makes me cringe at crossing a highway, but the height, and as a youth what awaited me. While biking on a Cub Scout trip, I was traillng everyone on my bike .. all of them had crossed. I saw the snake in my path, a black skinny one.
The CS leader circled back to retrieve me, running over the snake a few times with his front tire to reveal to me that it was dead. This had cemented my fear of heights and snakes. This is why I haven't jumped off a parking structure.
So...good and bad day.
Power supply for computer is dead.
Overslept.
Made it to work an hour early and still barely got the food out there before service time.
Found out most people I know at my only workplace are putting in their two week notice, including managers. One has his last day tomorrow.
Replaced food a couple times and finished work.
As Im leaving, the front desk coworker walks outside briskly. I come out to go grab my bus, to find her next to the door sobbing and hyperventilating. I reassured her i wasn't going anywhere with leaving her in that state. I sat next to her silently and exercised patience and heart flame for some reason. She started gasping for air. I put my hand lightly on her shoulder and transferred hf energy. She finally blew air out and breathed a couple times. With hyperventilation ceased.
Today was her ex-fiancee's birthday andfound out he died in the line of service in Afghanistan due to an IED.
I told her my cousins two ton truck hit one of those. Causing her to be bounced out of the truck and got a TBI. My compassion and empathy reached her and she calmed down. I had already missed my bus and took off to walk home.
I reached the dreaded highway stretch. I already measured the distance by number of seconds to cross. I fell at zero halfway and fear started to try to get me to freeze and fall. This is why I'm a stickler for the bus, since it spares me the fearful 0tocess of crossing it. I broke out into a Sprint a second time out of necessity to cross it. Barely making it I bounced to a stop three or four times before my shaking legs forced me to sit next to the forest. I took strength from the grass and soil and continued 9n my way.
I came home to see yet another eviction, someone's stuff out in the curb. Vultures had already picked through it taking "free stuff" .. I said this was fucked up to someone picking out goodies .. nearly one every six months. I told him this place is eviction happy. He said that's right, going on about his way home.
Finally got home. Fed the kitty. Texted a few people.
While I was crossing the bridge, the same bridge in my youth, an epiphany cake to me about my fears.
For starters, ten years ago, I attempted suicide by waiting for a semi truck barreling down the highway to hit me dead. When I jumped I got blown or pulled back. Or pussed out. Latter 8s more likely.
Not only that makes me cringe at crossing a highway, but the height, and as a youth what awaited me. While biking on a Cub Scout trip, I was traillng everyone on my bike .. all of them had crossed. I saw the snake in my path, a black skinny one.
The CS leader circled back to retrieve me, running over the snake a few times with his front tire to reveal to me that it was dead. This had cemented my fear of heights and snakes. This is why I haven't jumped off a parking structure.
So...good and bad day.
