Journal Journal of Night and Day, Son and Moon

[DiLoco_DelEted]

Insecurity, Inferiority. Impulsivity. Problems of mine apparently.
Still, why do they get to have the advantage and their way all the time?
Maybe I could be a better ruler of things. Who's to say? Perhaps anarchy and guerrilla warfare. Nah, not my style. Hack, dont know how. So.
So what you gonna do Whitey? Perhaps quit being nice. Observe your coworkers and how they never get hassled and are shown respect.
One, they are not white. Every white guy I know is viewed as an underling there. But, I talk with my coworkers the entire shift. Im generally nice to them, and respect them greatly, because we help each other out. Meanwhile, I need change and modern conveniences away from society.
I cant stand winter, its the most annoying time, of the year. To me anyway.

So ... what am I gonna do about it?
Thats the view, the attitude of these people. I dont know them, dont give a f*** about their lives or family. A curse? The difference is, Im compassionate about that, I would simply turn the table. Watch them in comfort and security and advantage. Like a hawk. These folks, not so much toward me.
I just hate being stepped on and made to feel small without cause. Good cause from both views, as in I deserve it. I dont deserve this nor should.

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

Well. There is always magic to try to use on the situations themselves, not the people. That is an automatic disarming of them. They would have no clue on how to react, while I do, because I have had to in the past, the not so distant past. So cursing may not be necessary on the person themselves. Just the situational pattern where I am always at disadvantage. Tripping someone at the the five and ten you might call it.

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

I really should get back to reading. As they say it is fundamental. I need to transform my inner and outer skills and character, that is a start. I can spend four hours a day every day exercising. Eat on the cheap as in fresh foods and not canned goods. It might require saving money just to pay ills and eat fresh food. Develop a new skill every month, that in interrelated to the previous one(s). That is something these people dont necessarily do.

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

What is the quality that smashes and makes small the qualities of confidence and boldness both?

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

Truth and Silence, both living and speaking it. Being invisible at times, working in truth and silence.

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

I need to, on a random basis, do things that generate respect from people. That is the tough one.

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

I had though about joining the Police Academy or Military boot camp if possible in the age group 50’s. Its probably not possible, but a thought. Something like tough mudder perhaps. Perhaps finishing the golden dawn book or the candle magick book.
Small things that make difference. Spoon fed material is sometimes the best way to learn, depending on the quality of the teaching. Just heard a hawk sound off. Rare in my area.

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

One thing that is possible is harnessing the planet itself and finding my place within it, and harnessing control of its involvement in my affairs. This would seem to be the basis of astrology and astrological/celestial magic, and also where others exploit it for their gain.
Similar to patching up security holes in your perimeter.
Harnessing control of the Body of Light, the aura, whatever you may choose to call it. Use it to my advantage.
Do rituals that help others as well as myself.
Do Mars workings, it appears to be the issue, do also Jupiter rituals at the same time , etc.
This way we try to use Polarity on it, along with Mentalism. Use of the LRH and SRH, SRP, LRP.
Use of the Black-White mirror exercise and Vice to Virtue ritual to transform astrological undesired characteristics within myself.

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

Card of the day:
V The Hierophant. Vav, nail (that which fastens together), 6. Taurus. Chesed-Chokmah.

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

A mediator type position, that is what best fits me. Bonus for dealing with music direction.

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

Take, for example, Neptune in Scorpio as the First house.
What are the positive and negative characteristics, according to The Astrology Book?
Add to that Mars in Capricorn as the Third house.
Same question. May as well look at the Fifth house, Pisces with same question (no planet in sign).

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

No work done today (except analysis of my mood and my diary)

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

Work must get done today, for one because the work week starts again in a day, two, I have to float through this new hour shift schedule and see where I can do the most work in the given day and make it a set in stone schedule. That way all work gets done.

Card of the Day: VIII Adjustment. Libra. Work-Action-Equilibrium. Lamed, ox goad/whip/instruction, 30 (6x5, 3x10, 2x5x3).

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

N: Liber Resh Vel Helios Midnight Adoration with Zelator sign.
E: Liber Resh Vel Helios Morning Adoration with Thoricus sign.
S: Liber Resh Vel Helios Noon adoration with Philiosophus sign.
W: Liber Resh Vel Helios Evening Adoration with Practicus sign.
N: Liber Resh Vel Helios Midnight Adoration with Zelator sign.
E: Liber Resh Vel Helios Morning Adoration with Thoricus sign.
E: Lord of the Universe Morning Adoration.
E: Qabbalistic Cross Ritual
E: Lesser Ritual of the Pentagram, Earth Banishing
E: Qabbalistic Cross Ritual
W: Middle Pillar Ritual

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

Reading Buckland, chapters two, nine and ten, and do all exercises from chapters one, two, nine and ten.
Work on Kuriakso and do all exercises of material from chapters 1-10.

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

Fear of Heights and my epilepsy are somewhat related. It does not help that Ive done drugs in the past like LSD, Psilocybin and Ecstasy twice (one was cut with Heroin, the other more speedy but still impure. The LSD was mild.
I can think of two events related:
As a child, climbing the Statue of Liberty with my Dad in this huge spiral staircase, and up 1/2 to 3/4 of the way and started to freak out. We had to turn around and descend.
As an adult on an airplane in the air, was listening to Eiffel65, a band I used to listen to when tripping on ecstasy, and had a flashback experience.
I was able to ride it out in silence for fear of Air Marshals.
Also as an adult, Ive noticed if I push myself to run over the heights, I can handle them better. So as Pink Flioyd says, Run Like Hell.

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

Fear of Heights and my epilepsy are somewhat related. It does not help that Ive done drugs in the past like LSD, Psilocybin and Ecstasy twice (one was cut with Heroin, the other more speedy but still impure. The LSD was mild.
I can think of two events related:
As a child, climbing the Statue of Liberty with my Dad in this huge spiral staircase, and up 1/2 to 3/4 of the way and started to freak out. We had to turn around and descend.
As an adult on an airplane in the air, was listening to Eiffel65, a band I used to listen to when tripping on ecstasy, and had a flashback experience.
I was able to ride it out in silence for fear of Air Marshals.
Also as an adult, Ive noticed if I push myself to run over the heights, I can handle them better. So as Pink Flioyd says, Run Like Hell.

3, 6, 10 and 01. Those are my respective Mercury and Jupiter hours to do workings in. Will try for four, but minimum two, one in Mercury hour for students across the globe, and the other in Jupiter hour for prosperity and healing globally.

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

I realize now that I am treated like crap, at least perceived internally of this; by the general public seemingly disdain toward me, a disapproval of sorts.
Of course we all do this, we avoid people not in our best interest or way of progress.
However, I realize my disgruntlement was due to being treated like shit by random people better or worse alike.
If one is not being an whole toward others and is treated in that manner long enough, they will either conform to being an whole, or grow to ignore and suffer through it, or fail and walk away.
Im tending toward the latter most of the tie, because I live for the second, but have occasionally hit the former. The funny thing is its equal opportunity assholes, im just a whipping post of the holes it appears to me. I really tend toward the latter because im sick of the second.

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

My thought, stay the course/correct the course, to follow newbie Neophyte to Adeptus Minor and beyond to Magus, at some point actual evocation of the presence and perhaps matter of the spirit. So, stay on par with readings, dont neglect one nor the other. If it is one page or ten pages, its a page well read.

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

The upside of being schozo-affective is that you can amuse yourself silently, which tends to scare most people or make them uncomfortable. It just has to be frequent enough. I actually laughed authentically at a thought of mine which was harmless in nature, just from a daydream of making rose oil and dabbing every corner of the ceiling with final product. Off to grandmothers house we go ...