Journal Journal of Night and Day, Son and Moon

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Morning Neophyte Formula done.
Visualization pretty easy until Middle Pillar. MP could visualize nothing but felt the tingle from above.

Have to leave in a couple hours for work, won't be back until after midnight and like that for the next three days until my four days off.

E Lord of the Universe AM Adoration with Neophyte signs.
E Liber Resh Vel Helios Morning Adoration with grade sign.
E Ten Point TA Adoration
E Qaballistic Cross Ritual
E Invoking Earth (Taurus) Lesser Ritual of the Pentagram
E Qaballistic Cross Ritual
S Neophyte Signs
W Middle Pillar Ritual
N Neophyte signs
E Lord of the Universe adoration with Neophyte signs.

Noe server studies.

 

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Server studies done until electronic warfare ensued. Quit server studies.

Doing afternoon adoration and another LIRP before leaving. May do under Shaddai El Chai with Libra as sign to invoke with.

Should plan daily time management which along with idleness and procrastination are reasons for candle rituals not done.

Facing North, drew random tarot card. Vibrated "Thou art mighty forever O Lord, AGLA".
Card: III The Empress. Venus. Daleth, door, 4.
Creative Imagination/Power

 

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Work went well, need to call my lady friend if she is still up. No bad attitudes or confrontation at work tonight which was refreshing. Got a ride home with a friend.
W Lord of the Universe adoration with Neophyte signs.
W Liber Resh Vel Helios Evening adoration with grade sign.
N Liber Resh Vel Helios Midnight adoration with grade sign.
E Liber Resh Vel Helios Morning adoration with grade sign.
S Liber Resh Vel Helios Afternoon adoration with grade sign.
W Liber Resh Vel Helios Evening adoration with grade sign.
N Liber Resh Vel Helios Midnight adoration with grade sign.
E Qabbalistic Cross Ritual
E Lesser Ritual of the Pentagram, Earth Banishing
E Qabbalistic Cross Ritual
W Middle Pillar Ritual.
W Ten Point TA adoration.

 

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E Lord of the Universe Morning Adoration with Neophyte signs.
E Liber Resh Vel Helios Morning Adoration with grade sign.
E Qaballistic Cross Ritual
E Lesser Ritual of the Pentagram, Earth Invoking (Taurus)
E Qaballistic Cross Ritual
Light headed so skipped TA Adoration and Middle Pillar. Sat down on bed.

Issues on my mind this morning - what is magic, what is hermetics, what is hermetic magic, what other systems besides hermetics exist? Am what Im doing Hermetics or Hoodoo, or nothing at all?
City inspection this morning. Several lights were flickering last night, ad started to get twitches and rising anxiety. Luckily no seizure. Body feels like I had one though.
Need a better job, that pays more, even part time. PT <= 30 hours a week, no weekends. Better clientele that grace the job.

 

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Perhaps quit worrying about protections so much, and use magic to better my life, while still occasionally doing the protections as needed. Health and Glamour. Love magick. Mind control. Financial Magick.

 

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Im not sure if its age or that alchemical processes are occurring, that Im changing in some ways.

Prior views on who are age appropriate partners, that our male and female figures are not as slender and firm as they used to be, but that there are more important things than sex, or even holding hands or a kiss -- to know the person inside and out, their likes and dislikes, goals and dreams, etc.

Being willing to help in any way. Prestige and success were lost to me. Unrecoverable. My life in shambles, my body and mind disabled, still it looks like I will have to be a slave until age 65. 13 years from now. Possibly be at the mercy of other householders again.

Im sick of it. I hate being dependent on others or to the system, yet I am not as able mind and bodied as I used to be. Time and life events changed all that.

So, I take the good with the bad. Look for the silver lining in the grey clouds of life.

 

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Random Major tarot card drawn: X Wheel of Fortune. Jupiter. Cause and Effect. Chesed.

Funny cause I was thinking of shifting from white tea lights to blue birthday candles, which would cast a blue theme to the ritual and burn out quicker than the black/red and purple personal and objective candles.

 

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Omw to work now. Typical. Thought today was Friday and that maintenance was doing apartment work today.
I fell asleep, but apparently they were there.

So, headed into work for half shift.
On the bus, so meditation time I guess.

Perhaps continuing protection rituals should commence.

So add 72 Angels of Magick and the lodge Shemhamphoresh paper and the Golden Dawn for research when home after midnight and a ritual, without fail, to be done.

Hopefully it's slow at work today with no teens with attitude. So I can do some research at work.

 

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Scratched meditation time, in favor of reading the Shemhamphoresh paper found in our library.

 

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W Said evening adorations.

 

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Home. Will do evening routine and adorations shortly.
Done:
E Lord of the Universe Adoration.
E Qaballistic Cross Ritual.
E Lesser Ritual of the Pentagram, Earth Banishing.
E Qaballistic Cross Ritual.
S Neophyte Signs.
W Lord of the Universe Adoration.
W Middle Pillar Ritual.
W Liber Resh Vel Helios Adoration with grade sign.
N Liber Resh Vel Helios Adoration with grade sign.
E Ten Direction/Point TA Adoration with energy exchange.

Listening to Born on the Bayou by CCR. Working on Psalms Protections ritual.

 

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Worked on Rituals a bit, at least in design rough draft.
Still working on Protection Ritual.
Have done it roughly before and noticed change of a positive nature.
Shifting gears and working on computer work project.
At least basic security triage, and apps decompressed and in individual folders.
Then come the app installs and testing, followed by audit and penetration testing.
An R&B internet radio station install should not require a person reading DISA and NSA level documentation.
Necessary in some ways I suppose. Me vs scripts and botnets.

 

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Random Card of the Day (Majors), shuffled while vibrating interchangeably Yah and Shaddai El Chai:
XI Justice. Libra. Action-Work. Lamed, Ox Goad/Whip/Instruction, 30. The scales.

Talked with a friend, a neighbor had a heart attack.

E Lord of the Universe adoration with Neophyte signs,
E Liber Resh Vel Heios Morning adoration with grade sign,
E Qabbalistic Cross Ritual,
E Lesser Invoking (Earth) Ritual of the Pentagram,
E Qabbalistic Cross Ritual,
S Liber Resh Vel Helios Noon adoration with grade sign,
W Middle Pillar Ritual,
W Ten Direction/Point TA Adoration.

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

Visualization is sucking once again, utter darkness when closing eyes, can't even force an image to be visualized.
I think I need to talk with my doctor and get my Zoloft increased or doubles, as a major depressive, the reason I struggle so much is visualization is damn near impossible when severely depressed. Also as a BPD, I have my good cycles and my bad cycles in terms of depressive or manic within borderline. Finally, there is my epilepsy which does not help with all the flickering lights at work.
Still, I rise.

 

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I find todays tarot draw interesting, not only as the sun and other planets are in Libra currently, but also that it is Fridy, the day of Venus. I am in Earth (Saturn). Libra is ruled by Venus and Saturn is exalted. Hence the severity, mercy and instruction.

 

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Talked with a friend last night that happens to be trans, and has a lot of life issues. Gave him a couple smokes, but he was in throes of addictions and upset at someone over the phone, so was a bit hands off. I didn't want to neglect him so talked with him, but didn't want to feed his addictions that were crippling him.
Im going to perform a ritual to step into his life and release him from the addictions.

Talked with another friend today, gave him $15 for cigarettes, some coffee to warm him up, a sweatshirt since he was cold, and a kind and humor filled talk since we were talking about Biden and the Armageddon comment.

In light of this, Im going to take it business as usual and do the morning routine:
N Liber Resh Vel Helios Midnight adoration with grade sign (Zelator)
E Liber Resh Vel Helios Morning adoration with grade sign (Theoricus)
S Liber Resh Vel Helios Afternoon adoration with grade sign (Philosophus)
W Liber Resh Vel Helios Evening adoration with grade sign (Practicus)
N Neophyte signs.
E Qabbalistic Cross Ritual, with Neophyte signs
E Lesser Invoking (Earth) Ritual of the Pentagram (Virgo)
E Qabbalistic Cross Ritual with Neophyte signs
E Lord of the Universe adoration with Neophyte signs
S Liber Resh Vel Helios Afternoon adoration
W Middle Pillar Ritual
W Ten Direction/Point TA adoration

 

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Done. Time to get some Psalms recited.

 

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Why oh why do I procrastinate. Actually did get some things out and about to work on several rituals, and write out step by step rituals in a journal. That has been in progress for a month or two now. The reason why I drag my feet on the candle magick is because I want it to be powerful and perfect. I may have to address myself as a war casualty and do what I do to get patched up on all levels. Therefore, do it even if imperfect. Crowley would say doing the work in itself has the highest/most virtue or something of the sort.

A day off and two hours past my expected waking time ... work on oils? Hoping the #4 filters will be effective and not need cheesecloth or a stainless steel strainer. The items I already have should be sufficient for making a few oils today.
Since Im going out on a date tomorrow, it may be beneficial to make a few oils as gifts.

Or, go out and get a hockey puck and sandpaper and get to work on painting a pentacle and a wand and two staffs.

At the moment however, have three projects open:
1 Complete all goals by breaking down into milestones as if projects.
2 Protection Ritual and Uncrossing Ritual
These involve Shem angels, whom I have no proof of ever having conversation with them or know that my requests have been heard and or granted. In short, I feel isolated and cutoff from the Creator. I am NOT down/happy/satisfied/intending with this.
3 Weekly initiation by chessboard. Try Neophyte and then move into Adeptus Minor and try initiatiation by chessboard, as this will be common in all grades to go in front of me, weekly initiation by chessboard for that element preceded by earlier ones and then the AM initiation ritual; so bt time of Philosophus, or Portal, this will indeed be a lengthy ritual.

Daily Grade Formula, work and assignments continue, as will the candle rituals when I get up off my ass and get my hands dirty in rituals.

 

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As I work on my Hebrew, Tree of Life, and All Angels of each House and Sign.

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

Reading Knowledge Lecture 2, Zelator Grade papers, on the Tree of Life names in Hebrew
Atziluth - Godname
Briah - Archangel
Yetzirah - Choir
Assiah - has no correspondence, instead the Zeltaor grade papers go on to the seven planet names, archangels, intelligences and spirits. Thus concluding KL2.