Journal Journal of Night and Day, Son and Moon

[Diluculo_DelFuego]

I want to rise above envy and own being old I guess, and that the fun and lustre of good skin tone is not found on my partner nor I, nor most of society our age. Sorry to be blunt, but its true. Unless you've taken care of yourselves the entire time, or make fitness and nutrition and anti aging a priority in life. Being envious of the youth is not good, because by and large, they have a lot to learn yet in life. Not saying I know anything or everything, but some common sense is learned with time and trial and error I guess. Same with courtesy and manners.

 

[Diluculo_DelFuego]

Doing a google search on myscisim texts outside JCI and Eastern religions. In particular, North American and Celtic Mysticism would be my bag in this incarnation.

 

[Diluculo_DelFuego]

The green stone (Periodite?) reacted positively to third eye, throat, and heart. Green stone is lower right. The one cleaved apart.

 

[Diluculo_DelFuego]

I have an unused bucket of clay with delightful tools for kids. Going to make an earth pentacle out of it.
Also going to start construction of the Yetziratic Watchtower Tablet for Air.
Considering using a large piece of particle board of plywood to use paint on and drill holes for candles. Would like to build a set of lines suitable for planetary magic, air a circle beyond belts.
I guess circle of belts it is for the time being, though I really need to buy the other eight belts (minimum five - red solid, red-black stripe, green-white stripe, green solid, green-black stripe. Perhaps another white belt and Yellow-White stripe. Perhaps other belt colors such as orange, purple, etc. Representative of the color of the planet being worked on.
Project books on hold: Shemhamphoresh, Ars Angelica, Zodiacal M<agic, Advanced Planetary Magic, A Manual of Occultism, Kybalion, Hermetics, Initiation into Hermetics, Magick in Theory and Practice, The Magicians Workbook, Magical Trilogy, The Golden Dawn, Self-Initiation into the Golden Dawn Tradition, Ceremonial Magic, Foundatins of Practical Magic, Modern Magick, Kaballah Magic and the Great Work of Self-Transformation.
Writing out the rituals legibly in the Notebook for Celestial workings and basic rituals.
Should I fall back to magic.

 

[Diluculo_DelFuego]

Listening to Shout by Ters For Fears, and looking at a Tarot layout:
Knight of Cups, 0.
I. IX. XVII. XVIII. V. XX. XXI.
The idea: There are three Magi in the deck - I, V, IX.
Each stack is the first row 7+7, so those that are the Magi are arranged in a stack so that that card is the top card, the next two stacks to the right of the second and third Magi are the third card, that is the spiritual office being worked through.
The first stack has the Magician on the Top, the second stack has in the second card The Hermit, there are two stacks, The hierophant and two stacks.
Dropping and centering stacks 3,4,6,7 shows that the Magician could use XVII, The Hermit XVII and XVIII, The Hierophant XX and XXI.

 

[Diluculo_DelFuego]

Listening to Shout by Ters For Fears, and looking at a Tarot layout:
Knight of Cups, 0.
I. IX. XVII. XVIII. V. XX. XXI.
The idea: There are three Magi in the deck - I, V, IX.
Each stack is the first row 7+7, so those that are the Magi are arranged in a stack so that that card is the top card, the next two stacks to the right of the second and third Magi are the third card, that is the spiritual office being worked through.
The first stack has the Magician on the Top, the second stack has in the second card The Hermit, there are two stacks, The hierophant and two stacks.
Dropping and centering stacks 3,4,6,7 shows that the Magician could use XVII, The Hermit XVII, XVIII and XX, The Hierophant XX and XXI.
The Hermit is unique in this regard, as his top card is The High Priestess, which has been relocated to the card second below the Hermit, the Hermit is in the Spiritual Law row, so uses the Law of Response, joined with the agencies of Meditation, Organization, and Revelation (XX)

 

[Diluculo_DelFuego]

Listening to youtube mix still (currently on Deep Purple), and reading The Kingdom of the Gods, on Creative Processes.
Bailey, Heindel, Steiner, and a few others, 777 open to IChing.
Downloaded some books on Sound, Color, and Mysticism. Most Mysticism docs found were JCI oriented, but some found were not (tried to avoid move Hindu/India resources due to the overload of Swamis and Gurus.
Wish I had my FLO/BOTA teachings on Sound, Color, and Healing.

 

[Diluculo_DelFuego]

Interesting ,.,..

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[Diluculo_DelFuego]

Have come to realize my failure as a magician. Mysticism is still an open track.

 

[Diluculo_DelFuego]

Okay, Tuesday, the day of Mars. Indicating, positive, proactive, male action,

The job search continues today, need a good salaried job immediately.
I need my (missing and involuntarily given) W-2s to file my taxes from eight year back.
Education plans need to be reviewed - cross train in as many functional areas as possible, while maintaining transferable skills.
I need to get full medical and psychiatric proof of disabilities, and go to appeal with admitted evidence.
I need to get my own place where I can be most myself.
I need to get with women 10-15 years younger than me in FWB/Casual dating.
I need to up my appearance and upgrade my life.
I need to become a Master Magician or a Master Mystic, no two ways around it.

And it appears that I need to do all this myself in a mundane manner. No magic allowed.
Time for self growth I guess.

Meditation and controlled thought needs to be priority #1 for me, mundanely, mystically, or magically.

 

[Diluculo_DelFuego]

But what will tie it all together education wise? I was planning on Criminal Justice, then Child Education, now possibly Business Management, seeing that there is also a certificate for Cannabis Business Management. Perhaps the field I hate so much is actually the winner for this second round of this life of mine.

 

[Diluculo_DelFuego]

Demon wise in the past, I was seeking entities out to help me logically put together a plan of action and opportunity to set my life back on track in the manner I chose to go about. This did not end as intended.
The rough outline:
"Clairs"/Psychic skills - We must know how to communicate, see and hear. - Foras, Furcas.
Financial Triage - Stop the financial bleeding and allow wealth to flow back in - Cimejes, Foras, Bune/Bime, Gomory, Orobas, Volac, Purson, Paimon, Zagan.
Legal Triage - Clean up all loose ends and have no legal issues to flow back in. - Belial, TBD
PR/Reputation Repair - Be a different person in eyes of all, in the most positive light. - Forneus, Botis, Naberius, Belial, Paimon, Oriax, Barbatos.
Healing - Undo all the aging and health damage the years have put on me. - Marbas, Buer
Education - Get more knowledge in my head and propel me into further channels of wealth and PR. - Asmoday, Vapula.
Magic - Lastly, become a magus by instruction. - Ipos.

This was a very rough outline. Huh. I guess my teacher was actually trying to help me, much to my differing view; his recommendation for Paimon instead of Ipos may have propelled me farther into completing these.

Additional names came up -
Wealth - Pendralion, Lukorst, Iadon, Salasash, Ahlfardon, Halahthor, Ghob, Bune, Volac
Clairs - Tahkayat, Pastan, Paltator, Paralda, Furcas, Orobas, Foras.
PR - Naberius, Vapula

Now the petitions came:
Bime/Bune - To manifest $4046 for rent. Petitioned. Im now at 10k owed in back rent and barely maintaining current rent.
Baal - To maintain project secrecy. Never petitioned. Nothing is secret with me it seems.
Agares - Help spiritual sight and hearing. Never petitioned. No clairvoyance has been seen prior to working with someone exchanging readings which seems to open it up, and my current teaching path has started to activate some telepathy, clairvoyance or clairaudience.
Marbas for healing. Currently recovering from possible COVID-19. HF energy visualization cures more than anything else, even a LBRP.
Gaap - reason to make enemies named confused. Never petitioned.
Foras - likely for Clairs. See above. Petitioned.
Camio - reason to understand speech of animals. Never petitioned.
Botis - PR/Reputation repair. Never petitioned. No repair has been done, its grown worse actually.
Buer - For mental healing. Never petitioned. Currently have five disorders highly functioning.
Furcas - Spiritual sight and hearing. Something started to open but didn't. See above.
Naberius - PR/Rep Repair. Never petitioned, in fact, except for a few, most were not petitioned past writing it out. No research on the m was done, no enn playing for them for predatory immersion, etc. Reputation sucks.
Foras - For finding treasures lost or hidden. Never petitioned on this,
Cimejes - same as Foras above. Never petitioned.
Forneus - PR/Rep repair. Never petitioned.
Marbas, healing. Never petitioned.
Amon - repair relationships. Invoked but never petitioned or evoked.
Phenex - To be taught botany. Never petitioned.


Then came the really complicated plan.
So many names on here, Im pretty much evoking all 72 to help in six areas of life. Like an ATeam on each area. Never went through with this as a teacher appeared, I evoked two entities with his help. I should've potentially clarified Paimon would most likely be the best first choice. Then I went on emotional fits and verbal trades when upset that I failed. Lesson painfully but respectfully learned.

After my freakout, the natural idea was to use the reverse polarity - angels. Shem angels to be precise. Starting with their rulers and emissaries would be the logical polarity choice. One problem - the powers were different.

 

[Diluculo_DelFuego]

So ... time to do the heavy lifting of life myself, and go where magic never existed - real, mundane, practical life. Where those who failed or never tread all run on the same hamster wheels trying to get ahead in life. Learned Optimism. Stay cowering in the cage vs trying to get out and be shocked and receive a treat for being docile.
Or .. use Mysticism as the alternative, going where neither the Magician nor the mundane have tread.

 

[Diluculo_DelFuego]

Stones in circles in the sun, soaking up the rays. Will wash them all tonight, and consecrate them in saltwater and incense smoke to purify them. I found it interesting on reading a few sources on the mineral kingdom.
Want to get a basic herb kit and a kitty grass and catnip plant pair to sin in the windowsill.
Alternating reading. The Kingdom of the Gods, Telepahty and the Etheric Vehicle, The Book of Psalms, Taming the Mind, Dynamics of Heroic Faith, Wild Magic, Druid Magic, Audobon field guide to Rocks and Minerals, The Little Herb Encyclopedia.
Will try to reach out to IBM again to try to get my W-2 I am missing that is key to filing everything, and if this fils, I will move to standard postal mail with Attorney Stationary as the paper medium.
Will try to get County to refill my meds this morning, particularly Zoloft.
Will try to verify COVID test results. I have been out of work for approximately a week now.

 

[Diluculo_DelFuego]

Id like to grow medicinal herbs, fruits and vegetables in an enclosed space. So, either a warehouse or my own place. Maybe one and the same.

 

[Diluculo_DelFuego]

Reviewing Tarot Fundamentals by Case, and came to an intersection to understanding where I am at now, esoterically, and why.
Going back to the idea on vices to virtues using past tense stements, based arch month on one sphere o the ToL. Malkuth is Tomorrow, Jun 1.
All things Malkuth must be brought together in thirty days time. One week per element.
Vice and Virtue: Avarice, Inertia and Discrimination.

How did I come to be so discriminating for the better in all areas of my life?
How did I come to be so active for the better in all areas of my life?
How did I come to be so peaceful for the better in all areas of my life?
How did I come to know my place in Malkuth in all areas of my life?
How did I come to bring my physical body under self-control in all areas of my life?

Etc - daily repetition followed by corresponding physical acts.

But not sure how this magic formula works ... except through repetition fo a mantra or affirmation until embedded in the SubConscious.

Keys to study for the Weeks exercise from Tarot Fundamentals, would be XVIII, XX and XXI. Each of these every week through June.
XVIII: Organization - Law of Suggestion (VIII) through direct activity of attention (I).
"This week begin the practice of reviewing your day's activities just before going to sleep. Record your gains and failures in your diary. Your attainments are steps in your progress toward Self-realization. Your failures warn you what to avoid in the future.
Never muse long on your failures. Remember that what we call 'sin' is nothing but 'missing the mark'. Do not worry. Worry is concentratedion on the negative appearances of life. If you are given to worry, then you possess the ability to concentrate. Change the polarity of you thoughts and emotions.. Before you fall asleep, impress subconsciousness with the most positive images of good you can fashion. Persist in this practice. You will sow seeds which subconsciousness will build into a new and better bodily structures."

XX. Revelation.
"This week try to practice SILENCE. Speak as little as you can, keep your emotions under control, and above all, try to make your thoughts quiet. Notice that this conserves energy for useful endeavors. Continue this practice, the rest of your life.

XXI. The World. World/Cos,ic Consciousness
Live life well-lived, realizing and attaining heaven on earth here and now. Make this your goal, to enter into it. Devote yourself;lf with all your heart to it, and, like thousands who have gone this way before you, you shall be among those who tread the joyous measures of the Dance of Life."

 

[Diluculo_DelFuego]

Knowing how to read Tarot saved my life!
Significator - Knight of Cups
Covers - Two of Pentacles
Crosses - Ace of Wands
Crowns - I The Magician
Beneath - Ten of Pentacles
Behind - Page of Pnetacles
Before - Nine of Wands

Querent - Seven of Wands
Environment - Five of Swords
Hopes and Fears - Queen of Cups -
Final Outcome - Knight of Pentacles -

Drew four more based on a court card of lower status-
Temperance -
Nine of Cups -
Ace of Pentacles -
Chariot -

All in all, health is on the mend, will see a pleasant change by visit of friends (family is coming to me this month), and health on the mend.
In shot, if I had Covid, Im on the mend.

ToD - King of Cups
BoD - Page of Wands

 

[Diluculo_DelFuego]

Continuing on in my reading of The Kingdom of the Gods. Interesting as in The Gods of Gold, it menations certain Builder spirits, some of which I may have seen in the stones while quizzing them. Willl have to continue to interrogate them.
Will have to classify them mundanely, as this gives us a starting point of putting a puzzle together (these rocks were imported by truck or train), and then spiritually using correspondences, to pair with herbs/plants.
Moving onto the Vegetable Kingdom, but re-reading the entirety before I do. Im starting to get into this now. Som elf it is dry or overwhelming, but these may just be on terminology and definitions. The test is quite interesting.

 

[Diluculo_DelFuego]

Demon wise in the past, I was seeking entities out to help me logically put together a plan of action and opportunity to set my life back on track in the manner I chose to go about. This did not end as intended.
The rough outline:
"Clairs"/Psychic skills - We must know how to communicate, see and hear. - Foras, Furcas.
Financial Triage - Stop the financial bleeding and allow wealth to flow back in - Cimejes, Foras, Bune/Bime, Gomory, Orobas, Volac, Purson, Paimon, Zagan.
Legal Triage - Clean up all loose ends and have no legal issues to flow back in. - Belial, TBD
PR/Reputation Repair - Be a different person in eyes of all, in the most positive light. - Forneus, Botis, Naberius, Belial, Paimon, Oriax, Barbatos.
Healing - Undo all the aging and health damage the years have put on me. - Marbas, Buer
Education - Get more knowledge in my head and propel me into further channels of wealth and PR. - Asmoday, Vapula.
Magic - Lastly, become a magus by instruction. - Ipos.

This was a very rough outline. Huh. I guess my teacher was actually trying to help me, much to my differing view; his recommendation for Paimon instead of Ipos may have propelled me farther into completing these.

Additional names came up -
Wealth - Pendralion, Lukorst, Iadon, Salasash, Ahlfardon, Halahthor, Ghob, Bune, Volac
Clairs - Tahkayat, Pastan, Paltator, Paralda, Furcas, Orobas, Foras.
PR - Naberius, Vapula

Now the petitions came:
Bime/Bune - To manifest $4046 for rent. Petitioned. Im now at 10k owed in back rent and barely maintaining current rent.
Baal - To maintain project secrecy. Never petitioned. Nothing is secret with me it seems.
Agares - Help spiritual sight and hearing. Never petitioned. No clairvoyance has been seen prior to working with someone exchanging readings which seems to open it up, and my current teaching path has started to activate some telepathy, clairvoyance or clairaudience.
Marbas for healing. Currently recovering from possible COVID-19. HF energy visualization cures more than anything else, even a LBRP.
Gaap - reason to make enemies named confused. Never petitioned.
Foras - likely for Clairs. See above. Petitioned.
Camio - reason to understand speech of animals. Never petitioned.
Botis - PR/Reputation repair. Never petitioned. No repair has been done, its grown worse actually.
Buer - For mental healing. Never petitioned. Currently have five disorders highly functioning.
Furcas - Spiritual sight and hearing. Something started to open but didn't. See above.
Naberius - PR/Rep Repair. Never petitioned, in fact, except for a few, most were not petitioned past writing it out. No research on the m was done, no enn playing for them for predatory immersion, etc. Reputation sucks.
Foras - For finding treasures lost or hidden. Never petitioned on this,
Cimejes - same as Foras above. Never petitioned.
Forneus - PR/Rep repair. Never petitioned.
Marbas, healing. Never petitioned.
Amon - repair relationships. Invoked but never petitioned or evoked.
Phenex - To be taught botany. Never petitioned.


Then came the really complicated plan.
So many names on here, Im pretty much evoking all 72 to help in six areas of life. Like an ATeam on each area. Never went through with this as a teacher appeared, I evoked two entities with his help. I should've potentially clarified Paimon would most likely be the best first choice. Then I went on emotional fits and verbal trades when upset that I failed. Lesson painfully but respectfully learned.

After my freakout, the natural idea was to use the reverse polarity - angels. Shem angels to be precise. Starting with their rulers and emissaries would be the logical polarity choice. One problem - the powers were different.

It was however, my failure to communicate my misgivings to my teacher at the time, and in what he was doing, it was working.

 

[Diluculo_DelFuego]

Reviewing Tarot Fundamentals by Case, and came to an intersection to understanding where I am at now, esoterically, and why.
Going back to the idea on vices to virtues using past tense stements, based arch month on one sphere o the ToL. Malkuth is Tomorrow, Jun 1.
All things Malkuth must be brought together in thirty days time. One week per element.
Vice and Virtue: Avarice, Inertia and Discrimination.

How did I come to be so discriminating for the better in all areas of my life?
How did I come to be so active for the better in all areas of my life?
How did I come to be so peaceful for the better in all areas of my life?
How did I come to know my place in Malkuth in all areas of my life?
How did I come to bring my physical body under self-control in all areas of my life?

Etc - daily repetition followed by corresponding physical acts.

But not sure how this magic formula works ... except through repetition fo a mantra or affirmation until embedded in the SubConscious.

Keys to study for the Weeks exercise from Tarot Fundamentals, would be XVIII, XX and XXI. Each of these every week through June.
XVIII: Organization - Law of Suggestion (VIII) through direct activity of attention (I).
"This week begin the practice of reviewing your day's activities just before going to sleep. Record your gains and failures in your diary. Your attainments are steps in your progress toward Self-realization. Your failures warn you what to avoid in the future.
Never muse long on your failures. Remember that what we call 'sin' is nothing but 'missing the mark'. Do not worry. Worry is concentratedion on the negative appearances of life. If you are given to worry, then you possess the ability to concentrate. Change the polarity of you thoughts and emotions.. Before you fall asleep, impress subconsciousness with the most positive images of good you can fashion. Persist in this practice. You will sow seeds which subconsciousness will build into a new and better bodily structures."

XX. Revelation.
"This week try to practice SILENCE. Speak as little as you can, keep your emotions under control, and above all, try to make your thoughts quiet. Notice that this conserves energy for useful endeavors. Continue this practice, the rest of your life.

XXI. The World. World/Cos,ic Consciousness
Live life well-lived, realizing and attaining heaven on earth here and now. Make this your goal, to enter into it. Devote yourself;lf with all your heart to it, and, like thousands who have gone this way before you, you shall be among those who tread the joyous measures of the Dance of Life."

Okay, this as my mediation point today. This is where the physical body is brought under control.