Journal Journal of Night and Day, Son and Moon

[DiLoco_DelEted]

Someone Kindly replied on forgetting Magic, Mysticism, the Occult, and handling life instead.

Why do you think I got into magic in the first place?
My life has been destroyed by poor choices in life and death. It cannot be repaired, save miracles.
Women hate me for some weird reason, so I will let them continue to date or marry douchebags that abuse them in some ways.
Not a fan of this world or what it has to offer me, aside from what God created.

So yeah, perhaps none of this magic stuff will help me, it hasn't helped by my following rituals to the letter.

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

Alright, on with the daily routine.
Im sure I dont need to do the offial diary entry anymore, as, well, what is the point of that now?

Daily Tarot Card pull: Ten of Pentacles -- Mercury in Virgo. -- Lord of Wealth. Well, this is interesting, So either I win the lotto or wealth should not be interpreted as anything monetary related except that everyone should be working as much as I do. Perhaps Lord of Wealth can offer something besides currency. Knowledge, Kindness, etc.

Tarot Contemplation Ritual: IX The Hermit. Magus of the Voice of Light. Virgo. Chastity, service. Seeking and listening to the Divine Voice of Light.

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

Thinking on righteousness and God for a moment, and grew angry. Perhaps because of my life, or the recent past.
If your will is what is stated in Isaiah 66, and regurgitated in the Gospel per the mouth of Christ himself, then why is t not accomplished? The standard for "righteousness" is ridiculous, since you yourself proved it and write it in your word. So what is the point then? This is the entire reason for Christ, man was doomed without him.

If you dont believe in what I believe, lets just agree to disagree.

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

Likely everyone will receive almost a month without a new post from me. One, I have too much to study, two, I get the sense Ive been annoying, which is what I dont want to be. Most of any of what I write will now be here in my journal to save site bandwidth

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

So now, since I guess I am mostly retiring from the occult, my journal willl most likely become the most boring read on this site.

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

But now, the question is, what will occur to me after this life is gone.
Oppression and eternal suffering and torment in hell?
Nothingness?
Reincarnation?
Eternally outside the gates?

For eighteen years I was a Baptist. Went Wiccan. Went Christian. Went Witch/Magician. Went Christian. Went Satanist. Went Chirstian. See the pattern? Why not just break it and I guess daily pray as Esau did.

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

On right relationships - I am not going to repair relationships with abusive people. I dont need them in my life.

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

Where it comes to my existential crisis - is obviously not wanting to suffer ever again, not to go to the Lake of Fire, Hell, Qlippoth etc. I want the Christian and Judaic dream of the afterlife.

But....

If I had fucked up so badly that my fate is to be dropped into the eternal deep fryer lake, then walk boldly into it I guess. Maybe realize that its eternal, so there is no reason for fear of suffering. Perhaps Id swim down to the bottom of the Lake of Fire and catch an eternal nap. I mean, realize its eternal, realize it will cause agonizing pain, as if you dove into the magma of the earth. But, since those two conditions may exist, then you might as well accept it and just go to sleep for eternity.

Or ... walk the hell into that light.

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

My first magic teacher, who was probably correct in 2016 to just give up on magic and get into therapy, wrote a FB post to the GD page on using spirit traveling to hell. He stated the Lake of Fire is incredibly vast. Most likely not in the center of the earth or on the sun, but somewhere completely outside of our galaxy. Or maybe Im wrong, what the heck do I know.

I saw it in a dream. Scarlet red. Boiling. If there were people there, I was so far away I saw nothing but boiling red sludge.
It could have been a form of attack on me, as during that time I had several dreams involving enormously sized King Cobras.
Similar to a dream in 2019 after a deliverance from the Occult, where someone was sending me text messages in my dream taunting me with death magic.

My life sucks, so what the heck is there to be afraid of?

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

The Powers that be must be listening to my thoughts.
What book did I just stumble upon?
Thomas Merton - An Introduction to Christian Mysticism - Initation into the Monastic Tradition 3

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

And stumbled on a book on Thomas Kuhn.

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

It is now obvious to me that I need to get my professional life back on track, stop dealing with food service crap jobs, shake off labor people, etc.
I know what I need in terms of a job, an the above will never cut it. Also, labor is out due to degenerative disk disorder and sciatic nerve inflammation.
Minimum wage is not doing anything but putting me further in a grave.

In order to be able to eat well, be less stressed, pay off debts, etc, benefits including comprehensive therapy.

Either that or back to the gas station, only this time intent to be a GM.

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

All is mind. Wonder what my thought train is doing in cause and effect.

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

I have found a certain finger combination that helped with visualization. Setting intent of the pentagrams. Effective calling of the Archangels.
Hopefully it will help as well.
Two full cycles of Adoration to the Lord of the Universe, and full cycle Liber Resh Vel Helios adorations starting with the West.
Grade signs and sign of silence given.

I was mentally urged to pick back up on something that would involve the daily Neophyte and Zelator formulas (delator is mostly visualizations, except for an Enochian powered Pentagram ritual).

But, my work with my current teacher is working. Perhaps patience and diligence are keys.
Still, something must unblock my life. Otherwise, literally, my life has no point at all to exist. Why should I?

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

A tarot reading, invoking the Great Angel HRU, under the name and authority of Shaddai El Chai - "What of me and my life?"
Significator found in second pile, Knight of Cups.
Covers: XXI. The World. Saturn/Earth. Malkuth-Yesod. Cosmic Consciousness/Wiorld Consciousness.
Crosses: Three of Swords. Saturn in Libra. Binah of Yetzirah. Lord of Sorrow.
Crowns: Nine of Wands. Luna in Sagittarius. Lord of Great Strength. Yesod of Atziluth.
Beneath: Queen of Wands. Water of Fire. Binah of Atziluth.
Behind: Ten of Swords. Sol in Gemini. Lord of Ruin. Malkuth of Yetzirah.
Before: V. The Hierophant. Taurus. Chesed to Chokmah. Magus of the Eternal Gods. Sound/hearing.
Querent: VI. The Lovers. Gemini. Binah-Tiphareth.
Environment. Three of Wands. Lord of Established Strength. Venus in Aries. Binah of Atziluth.
Hopes and Fears: Six of Swords. Tiphareth of Yetzirah. Mercury in Aquarius. Lord of Earned Success.
Final Outcome: Ten of Pentacles (my daily card pulled today). Mercury in Virgo. Lord of Wealth. Malkuth of Assiah.

ToD: Three of Cups. Lord of Abundance. Binah of Briah.
BoD: King of Pentacles -- Aquarius to Pisces. Chokmah of Assiah.

So ... what of me and my life.
A man of the World, under the influence of Saturn and Earth.
Sorrow crosses me but great strength crowns me. Hard work daily. The heart though pierced is sown together by two additional swords.
Overthinking it kills me n the past, now I seek the Voice of the Eternal Gods.

Fuzzy here, not sure why Lovers popped up other than to be a reference throughout this reading to Saturn and Binah.
A return to innocence and the voice of the Great Angel.
Starting to get it together, possible problem yet benefit in moving far away from where I am. Seeking solace and safety - perhaps with family.
And in the end, I am wealthy as can be, celebration and the King of Cups approves.

Two Tens, one swords, the other pentacles.
Two Threes, one wands, the other swords.
One six and one nine.
One Queen (Wands)
Three Major Arcana (XXI, V, VI)

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

Never mind the mysticism. It is at best an intermediate step in the process of taking up the cosmic functions allocated to Earth humanity.

Better to:

• connect to the vertical stream of Light from On High
• establish right relationships with the myriad intelligences that make up your human incarnational system and learn to manage those intelligences
• establish right relationships with surrounding intelligences, including human
• learn how to control your consciousness sufficiently to perform inner plane tasks
• become sensitive to the Intent implicit in the Light from On High

Sometimes Catholic services are a good place to practice the above

By the way, my thoughts and words are a bit tense because of trying to reconcile the past I guess. That and not sure what the future holds for me, good or bad. I hope you dont/didnt take offense or be hurt by my words or thought train. I guess Im as unsure about Mysticism as I am Magick.
Perhaps afraid it will fail as miserably as my magick has. The mundane, rational, practical side says to give up most of it, and attend therapy in whatever way I can find or afford. So, if I railed against Mysticism, that was not the intent.

I know for a fact that I dont want to work the LHP. And well, nobody can tell me exactly why most if not all magic or ritual done in the past failed, despite my hopes perhaps still that they did. It could be that I initially asked Christ to keep me from going too far in. Well, I dont think thats exactly his role, perhaps I got a laugh from it ... at least I hope.

So a bit mixed up in the head today, again, hope no offense was made or taken. I need to watch the words I type, after review of my thought train and journal today. I do appreciate and respect you

 

[Jk666]

So a bit mixed up in the head today, again, hope no offense was made or taken. I need to watch the words I type, after review of my thought train and journal today. I do appreciate and respect you

if u notice u r apologizing without cause, no need to do that.

the universe is cold bad & sad there’s no universal love ppl speak the divinity god/goddess whatever doesnt exist in the everyday routine just look at crime rates mass shootings in the us etc

pay attention that in all of your writings u r preoccupied with form over force bina over Hohma .

the universe only gets 1 thing & that’s raw force unapologetically upplied over time until it gets its better do whats it told or else.

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

if u notice u r apologizing without cause, no need to do that.

the universe is cold bad & sad there’s no universal love ppl speak the divinity god/goddess whatever doesnt exist in the everyday routine just look at crime rates mass shootings in the us etc

pay attention that in all of your writings u r preoccupied with form over force bina over Hohma .

the universe only gets 1 thing & that’s raw force unapologetically upplied over time until it gets its better do whats it told or else.

Sources? Qabalah states otherwise.

Well this week is no longer geomancy, but Qabalah. Next week Alchemy. And fourth week practical working.
Sources Mathers, Kaballah Unveiled, Fortune/Acher Mystical Qabalah, Practical Qabalah (author's name slips mind), Crowley QBL, Regardie Foundations of Practical Magic.
If I had the Zohar. I'd try to read that.
There is alsoGuide to the Perplexed by a Rabbi, and somewhere in there on the cosmos states that God can override force 8f he so chooses. That means we're all making choices. Continually, good or bad choices. Choice could givea force form I would think. Whatever that choice was made it was given the desired form, whether money. A car, food whatever.

Also. In the NT Pauline letters, there are a few that state how the world and society will unravel over time until God decides its been enough time. I'm fairly familiar with these letters, but not enough to give a name or verse.

 

[Mider2009]

Someone Kindly replied on forgetting Magic, Mysticism, the Occult, and handling life instead.

Why do you think I got into magic in the first place?
My life has been destroyed by poor choices in life and death. It cannot be repaired, save miracles.
Women hate me for some weird reason, so I will let them continue to date or marry douchebags that abuse them in some ways.
Not a fan of this world or what it has to offer me, aside from what God created.

So yeah, perhaps none of this magic stuff will help me, it hasn't helped by my following rituals to the letter.

Magic isn’t going to fix things, it’s up to you to live life to the fullest

 

[Mider2009]

But now, the question is, what will occur to me after this life is gone.
Oppression and eternal suffering and torment in hell?
Nothingness?
Reincarnation?
Eternally outside the gates?

For eighteen years I was a Baptist. Went Wiccan. Went Christian. Went Witch/Magician. Went Christian. Went Satanist. Went Chirstian. See the pattern? Why not just break it and I guess daily pray as Esau did.

Already explained this to you multiple times, you go where you believe you’ll go. There is no eternal hell.