Journal Journal of Night and Day, Son and Moon

[DiLoco_DelEted]

Now, back to my lunch and reading. Btw, if you keep pushing people off these sites, you might lose some fans.

 

[Vandheer]

So I don't get the critism in my own journal?

How is telling you there are no three initiates and IIH being not Hermetic, critism?

Aren't you one of the critics as of late regarding the HD track?

How is villainifying everyone that disagrees with you working for you so far, aside from 50 'honest monotone civil' journal posts my friend? Any progress there?

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

Why have you stalked me to my journal?

I feel a tad cornered by not being able to shake off crticis from my mental thought train.

It doesn't help me guy/gal.

 

[Vandheer]

Why have you stalked me to my journal?

I am literally reading a public journal what are you talking about Fuego?

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

Fine. The question again then is what is your point of criticizing me at every turn? You don't know me. Nor do I believe you know much more than me.
If you were trying to impress me or joke around with me, it didn't work.
Can you tell I'm agitated with that crap? I tried being nice. That didn't work. I tried retreating to a safe space for me, that didn't work.
Please leave me alone.
I can call the moderator on this if needed.

 

[Vandheer]

The question again then is what 8s your point 8j criticizing me at every turn

Mate let's contiune this conversation when you will be able to think rationally and see that giving you information is not stalking and critisising you.

Nor do I believe you know much more than me.

It doesn't matter what you believe in, Fuego.


I am done with your paranoidsm. Kindly show me if there is a mute button so I can evade reading these posts?

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

Anyway.
Back to my life as displayed in my journal, and the occasionally miraculous time that magic worked.
Going offline for sale of sanity before i have a chat with the moderator. 8m not trying to leave, and their routine 8s to continually poke the bear to make the bear leave. When the hear 8s agitated they call it a meltdown.
Jesus its such a grade school game..

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

So. Taking a walk for a very long time.
I can't think straight due to the bullcrap that just occurred. For no point.

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

Met up with a friend outside and talked magic and things. One who asked me to be his mentor in magic.
Ended up before we parted ways... Gave him four rocks: two lodestone and tourmaline and shungite. He has instructions for the HF.

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

I did manage to read through the first introduction and the forward before getting too tired to read on.
Been reading parts of Christopher's book on an idea of mine, that ended up being part of another ritual.
I was encountering questions on the beginning of the Neophyte initiation. Perhaps I need to look at it again.

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

As I go through Christopher's book, and Regardies book, I am intrigued more and more.
I will start streamlining all month specific exercises (for example there are four I can recall vaguely, which pushes the time spent in the grade further. This way it's more personally organized to a daily schedule), and meditation will be a priority for me going forward as I start 0=0 formally.

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

I can say I got quite a bit out of using torn cracker or cereal box tops for glyphs of elements and officers in the temple.
Noting energy patterns and other required movement.
An example question brought to mind is why is Stolistes continually going over to the North for one.
Only way to learn that it seems is by repetition.
Once I understand the core ritual, I will briefly browse the Z2 document and do the same with that, minus lengthy speeches, though I could stand to memorize every ritual.
An example might be the oath and a temptation to go to the dark side.

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

In talking with Craig, he brought out a fair point obvious here, I take myself and others extremely seriously.
I told him. Perhaps based on the laws 9f mentalism and correspondence. Perhaps it's best to take the lead in lightening up, so the universe does the same.
Humor, that's what is necessary.
If your motives were pure, sorry I reacted the way I did. However...

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

45 min reading before getting together with a friend.
Should get a few of the introduction pages read.

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

Afternoon, evening adorations done, including another adoration to the Lord of the Universe when faced east.
Immediate neophyte formula done.

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

I'm no match for most magicians I know. To get into a magickal skirmish is unwise for me, as I would symbolically be the infant Mike Tyson is boxing.

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

So, choosing the path of peace stands up to instruction from the initiation ritual.
Watch my words. And thought. Rise above emotion, which is easier said than done usually for me.

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

Love, compassion, kindness -- yeah, my fruit harvest is pretty low there.
Honesty -- Fair yield there though.

Point in case, I say I'm a Christian because I hope for an end to suffering and want to be in Heaven reunited with my lived ones.
But I know his words, and I know I haven't been living them.

I'm short. I want to be my best self, and help others there.

I guess what Im trying to figure out is whats changed. Why have I changed. How do I get there again. Therapy calls I suppose.

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

I have a lot of growing up to do.
And a lot of self educating through my last days.

I remembered a realization from talking with my neighbor. I was severely bullied in high school, and by coworkers and managers alike at some sites. It led me to avoid going to school nearly half each year, and tried one route of a progressive school, in effect home schooling. No bullies there. In effect. I gave up my right to education to not be bullied.

This is why criticism is murky with me. I'm not exactly in a good place at all.

So my next thought was therapy, outpatient so I keep my jobs, keep my housing, and get professional therapy on an outpatient basis, and prescriptions can now be monitored and refilled as needed.
I keep my night job. Go to therapy in the morning and work Saturday and Sunday at a retail or stocking job, to meet rent and other bills.
I guess im maturing a tad.

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

In my spare time, meditation and reading. And avoiding attention seeking behavior, and keeping an order in chaos.

I may move west to Chicago if I had rent savings .. a lot more convenient for people like myself without a driver's license. It would be a stop gap to moving to Colorado. I guess I'd have to get over my fear of heights somehow.

I think this year I will try immediate internet therapy aids, review notes of last year. Have better questions and a game plan going in, so the resources don't go to waste for therapy.

My sister and I will be talking in a few days about an action plan for me, that will most likely either get rid of occultism, or minimized to be equal or less than mundane needs, in effect priorities.

I hope this helps others. Therapy and occultism should be hand in hand in my opinion, as a lot of things can trip you or shake you in this field.